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female
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anonymous
writes: I am really hoping someone can tell me how to deal with the emotions I am feeling, My fiance left me about 3 months ago, we had not been getting along for a while we argued over the most trivial things and the arguments got really nasty we hurt each other a lot. When he made the decision to leave i was totally heartbroken and missed him every day, I cried constantly, he has told me he still loves me and has always said the break up wasnt permanent but 3 months later and we dont talk about our problems he phones me all the time and comes to see me 1 or 2 nights a week although we are more like friends than anything else he never tries to get close to me although this was actually an issue before we broke up too, I wasnt truly happy as he never paid me much attention I felt unattractive and more like a sister than his lover. We were together for 4 years but things started falling apart about 18 months ago. I just need to try and get him to make his mind up, I want to give him an ultimatum to either come home if he intends to do so, if not I fear I will then have to tell him to stop calling and seeing me it is too hard when all he seems to want is friendship he seems happier being away from me than he did when we were together and that hurts me, everytime he leaves I feel as if I am back to square 1 when I dont see him for a few days I start to feel okay about being on my own I wish I knew which path to take I also have a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship and she misses him badly they had a special bond together, he was like a father to her for 4 years. I think I am of him walking away completely which is why I have tried not to push him but time is running out I need to know if we are ever going to work things out how much time does he need? I keep thinking maybe he just doesnt have the guts to end it completely and is patiently waiting for me to be the one to say its over. I do love him very much I just wish he would open up to me sorry for ranting on I am just so confused right now my head is in a mess
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male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (1 December 2006):
 Hi there, I don't know if your fiance is a sensitive guy, but this might explain it from his point of view.
If he didn't care for you he wouldn't go out of his way to visit you. I think he's trying to give you space and is now afraid that you don't feel the same. The only way to know is to sit him down and have a chat. Don't be confrontational, just tell him how you feel and that you want things as they were. I don't think he knows that you cry all the time, cos that might have urged him into action.
Pls don't throw away something gr8 such as what you guys have cos of frustrations. Good luck sweety :-(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to read and answer my post. I think I already know deep down that what you have both said is the only thing left for me to do, I am going to speak to him over the weekend. I already know that we will end up arguing as I spoke to him earlier today and he said he wanted to know if I would like to go up to the flat he is staying in, tomorrow evening and stay over, he only asked me as his mate who he shares with is away to london for the weekend, the thing is I had already made plans to go out with a group of friends this has happened before when he has wanted to come down and I have already made plans, he makes me feel so bad and its not because I dont want to see him, he just doesnt seem to understand that I want us to be the family we used to be but if he ismt willing to come back so we can try again then I cant just be there at his beck and call, I am trying to be strong by going out, seeing my friends a lot more than i ever used to
he has been giving me a hard time about that lately but I told him he didnt have any right to try and tell me how I should spend my time I told him if I wasnt on my own on a saturday night I wouldnt feel the need to go out (my daughter dtays with her dad at the weekend) anyway thanks again for helping me deal with this I know there are more tears and heartache to come but I am slowly starting to realise that I dont need all this confusion and neither does my wee girl
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (1 December 2006):
 It has been 3 month and issues have not been worked at or resolved.
If he was not affectionate enough for your before, what makes you think that any of it has or will change? It is possible to love someone very much and not be compatible in some areas like in your case.
The fact that your daughter misses him is not reason for complicate matters. It will hurt her more if you get back together and break up again.
Seems to me that he is happy staying friends, you are the one who wants more.
Give each other some space (not 2 nights a week malarky), property space to decide what you both wait out of this.
Then talk, talk and talk. If you decide to give it a go, remember that you need to work at it all the time.
Hope it helps xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): No wonder your head is in a mess. What is he up to? Invite him over and you two sit down and iron this out for once and for all. Get to know exactly what is going on in his head. If he does want to be over then end it now. Stop dragging it on. what is the point. just get it over and done with and then you can greive and move on . I feel sorry for your child, they can be the innocent victims in things like this. We bring these people into their lives as well as our and they mess their little heads up to. You have to think of your daughter too. Don't let him mess you two about anymore. Give him an ultimatum and make him stick to it or boot him out.
Take care
xx
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