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female
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*inner3mlt
writes: My 4 year old daughter has within the last few months taken an interest in having private time. During her "private time" she stays in her bedroom and she demands that I do not come in under any circumstances. She even makes me pinky swear. She also likes to know where her stuffed animal is, it happens to be a large monkey. It is clear to me that she is going into her room to fool around with her monkey. My question is should I allow her to have this private time behind closed doors and forget about it? I sat her down and we had a talk redently about her private time and I told that as we mature we find out things about our bodies that feel good. I assured her that it was normal and she was not dirty or nasty because of this. I only threw out a few rules about her "private time". #1 If you need to have your private time do it when you are by yourself in the privacy of your own bedroom. #2 Never allow any other person, man, woman or child to help you or touch you in any way that is wrong and uncomfurtable. #3 Dont talk to anybody but me (mother) about anything that has to do with your private time. My daughter is wise beyond her years no doubt. Was I right to handle this the way that I did? I do not want to lie about the female body so I think I have no choice but to keep it real. Will this ever just calm down and fade away or will it get worse? Was telling her it was ok to do this in her room alone an unreasonable responce. I am so confused, what should I do? Is there anybody out there who has ran into the same issues with there kids? HELP? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sinner3mlt +, writes (6 December 2006):
sinner3mlt is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank everybody for the advice! I now know my methods were not crazy. I also want to say I did ask my daughter if anything was going on and apparently at a family sleepover a few kids were playing the "DOCTOR" game. It was shut down as soon as her grandmother walked in on it. It only could have been going on for about 3-5 mins. So I know kinda were this came from. Also the television probley plays a factor in that too. These days you cant hardly turn on the T.V. without seeing some kind of sex and violence. Thank-you again you guys rule!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2006): did yr daughter actually say what she's been doing? whendiid this start & has there been anything about her behaviour that's changed recently?i'm just woderiing whether she's seen or heard anything inappropriate...4 is quite young.
if not then it's probably nothing 2 worry abt. if it becomes worse, consider going 2 a GP who could refer y on2 a professional in this area who could advise u.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 December 2006):
 I think you did fabulously in this situation. You sounds like a great Mom.
You talked abut all the right things, and I think the rules you laid down were great too. You're allowing her some tim where she's allowed to experiment and not feel guilty or bad about it... and also you're making her feel comfortable about talking to you, which will be great in the future.
And hey - if she's in love with a big stuffed monkey... can't get her pregnant, you can trust him, and he won't hurt her! Sounds like a better guy than most of the pigs out there.
Keep that communication line open and accepting and I think you'll raise a fine young woman.
xxIndia
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): Definitely right in my opinion. You laid down a criteria - especially ones that protect her welfare and you allow her to explore that aspect about herself, even at that age. Good on you! Of course, another thing to be mindful about is to check on her genitals once every now and then to see if she caused wounds to herself. Like a check-up basically.
Wow, I really liked how you handled this. Open communication - can't stress that enough! 8]
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): This is probably how my mother felt when she realised that I had been doing similar things when I was also very young.
I dont think it is wrong for your daughter to be experimenting with her body, but I would be tempted to ask if everything is ok at school.
Only because I was being touched inappropriatly by a school friend, and somehow it seemed to coincide with me exploring my body.
I think it was the intrest from the opposite sex that triggered my intrest in my body. Now I'm not saying that its deffinatly happening to your daughter, its probably not but I know that was how I became intrigued by my body, I suppose I wanted to find out why men are intrested in women.
It was a very hard time to come to terms with and I feel very hurt and upset by what happend to me at the time. All the teachers and my parents found it hard to believe that a young boy was aware of how inapproriate it was, yet still did the things he did.
I dont think anybody knows how bad it really got, and to make matters worse I was being bullied at the time too.
I think girls start to show an intrest in thier bodies for all diffeerent reasons and I just wanted you to know that there are questions you need to ask your daughter.
I think you should just ask her if anybody else touches her and also if she is doing okay at shcool or pre-school if she is upset about anything.
I hope I havent rattled on too much about this one but I thought you might like to have an incite from someone who started early too. Please dont feel scared of this my mum used to call me all sorts of silly names to make light of the subject.
Ok let me know if I can help further.
Hope I helped in some way.
xx
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (1 December 2006):
 Your daughter is very young to display these feelings but I have heard of cases of 5/6 yrs olds.
You did the right thing by reassure her not to feel guilty.
Most important, by discussing this with her, she will trust you to talk about it if she needs to, and to tell you if anyone tries to fool around with her.
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