A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 6 1/2 yrs, we are coming up to our 1yr anniversary for when we got engaged. And yesterday, he tells me that he doesnt trust me. He didnt give me specifics...but he says he has problems trusting people...is that a good enough reason? I trust him implicitly! (and I truly do!)...so what do you think...how much of an issue is this?
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male
reader, Sex_counsellor  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Trust is central to long lasting relationships, without trust the relationship lacks a vital ingredient. You need to sit down with him and find out exactly what his trust issues are and how you can work through them together. The best way to do this is in an inquisitive way not an accusing one.
A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (29 August 2011):
Almost 7 years, dont be naive and look closer. You maybe set for a heartbreak. Most people that suddenly accuse you have already done it. The guilt make them blame you.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 He says he doesnt trust you..after 6 years together! What the hell is he staying in a relationship with you for? That's probably going to be an issue later. Maybe you did something in the past to make him feel as so but who knows,the important thing is that he should communicate with you in a straight forward and gentle manner to find a way forward as a couple. Alot of the time lack of trust leads to insecurities which overtime may lead people to develop negative tendancies such as neediness,jealousy,control freakism(can't think of a better way to put it right now),anger and self control issues etc etcSeemingly little things as such should be nipped and sorted out early before they spiral-out later on. If he has not made effort to get to the bottom of(and deal with) his lack of trust with and in you,then you have to take the initiative and talk to him(firm yet gently of course) and find that particular solution you both need and desire for your relationship to stick and mature. Being together is meant to be fun,pleasant and with relevant support for each of your individual needs. All the best!!
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (29 August 2011):
Trust issues arise either because a person is untrusting, or the person they are in a relationship with gives some indication that they are untrustworthy. You sound trustworthy, so the issue lies with him. Chances are he has an issue trusting people in general, and that it doesn't have anything to do with you specifically, you just happen to be the one engaged to him, if it was someone else he probably wouldn't trust them either.
Issues of trust are thought to come from childhood development. He can learn to be more trusting, but it involves him facing his fears that lie at the root of his distrust. Trust also does build over time, but he first has to be aware that he is untrusting. If he realises that he isnt a very trusting person, and you demonstrate you are trustworthy, over time this can help him to manage his trust issues. This can be a little bit of a burden on a relationship, or a lot, depending on how you guys communicate and deal with it, but it isn't a deal breaker, as long as he acknowledges that his lack of trust are his feelings, and nothing to do with your behaviour. Also, you can't let his lack of trust be an excuse for him being allowed to control you, constantly check on you, check your phone, etc or this will adversely affect your relationship.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (29 August 2011):
 He does not trust you, because he is cheating on you or because he is not confident in himself and feels that he is not good enough for you. In either situation, if soemone does not trust you after six and a half years, he is never going to trust you.
Tell him that if after 6.5 years he can't trust you, you should not get married.
IT is NOT a good enough reason.
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