A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my fiancé have been together over 4 years. Sometime around a year ago, we were in an LDR, and his friend was having a bachelor party. I talked to him about it constantly, and we agreed that if there were going to be strip clubs that he wouldn't go. Because of his past experiences at strip clubs, I told him if he went I would leave him. He promised and swore that he wouldn't, and told me if the guys decided to go, that he'd find something else to do. The last thing I remember him saying is "Don't you trust me?" He's never really lied to me before, so I had no reason not to trust him. I knew he went when he called me the next morning, even though he denied he did at first. Finally after a couple of days he admitted he did go, and that he didn't have a choice (the groom had decided he wanted to go to strip clubs all night and they were all in the same limo). He lied to me about going because he was afraid I was going to leave him. I know it was a year ago, and I obviously didn't leave him…but I can't let it go. I don't bring it up, it just weighs on me when I'm in situations to trust him.How can I move on from this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): "How can I move on from this?"
You have two options:
a) Dump him
b) Accept the reality that he has given you reason not to trust him by lying to you and you have given him reason to believe that he can get away with it by failing to follow through on your ultimatum
A
male
reader, Alwayswondering  +, writes (8 August 2014):
He seemed to be adamant against going. But at the same time, not having a close, personal friend at your bachelor party would give off feelings that he doesn't care about him. Put yourself in his shoes. I would ask him if he did anything. However, it seems silly to bring it up a full year after. Has he done anything else questionable since? It could've been where he just went, but just drank and hungout. Or didn't enjoy himself but was there for support because he knew a) he promised you and b) knows it makes you feel uncomfortable.
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