A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a history of cheating, not on me but on his one ex. Shortly after he moved schools (we dated for a year back in 9th grade but broke up when he moved) he started dating this girl and they had a very unhealthy relationship. They ended up having a child together and fought constantly and he ended up cheating on her countless times.He says he regrets doing that because he broke up his family and now his first born daughter has to grow up in a broken home. He lost his mother at a young age to cancer and his father abadoned him and his sister so he grew up in foster care seperated from his sister.Before we got together, I told him that I was a bit uneasy about his past and was afraid of the same thing happening to me. He told me that he hated that part about his past and he wouldn't be like that with me. He told me he was tired of girls like that and he was ready for something serious.Now that we are expecting a baby in October, he has been starting to talk about marriage and getting a place together.My pregnancy has been really hard on me and my doctor has put me on a no sex restriction for the rest of the pregnancy.My boyfriend is a huge sex addict so this has me uneasy. He says he isn't mad that we can't have sex for the next few months because the baby's health and my health is more important but I'm finding it hard to fully trust him.He gave me his login information for facebook since that is the only way he can talk to people (he doesn't have a cellphone and lives out in the country miles away from the nearest town and doesn't have a car at the moment.) so I saw that he had messaged other girls. One girl had been going on about how she wanted someone to "fuck her hard". He told her good luck on her search. Another girl is complained about how she was turned on and had no one to sleep with. He never replied to her.He hasn't once agreed to sleep with any of them, he's just talked to them and blew off any of their advantages. Worst he's done is jokingly flirting with them (which I told him makes me uneasy) but he always says he was kidding afterwards.What do you think I should do? I want to trust him but he's always talking to these type of girls and sometimes he won't talk to me for long periods of times while he's talking to them (my messages will be ignored).
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2014): It wasn't just a suspicion, you knew he was cheating from the start. You just couldn't catch him at it; because he's so slick. Well, he knows how to get himself out of a commitment; but don't let him get out of paying child-support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe gave me his new password and that is how I found out he has a newphone. He told one of the girls the number and told her he texted her. He's cheating.... I hve no doubt now
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): "What do you think I should do?"
Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES. You knew his history but he fed you a line of BS that you believed because it was what you wanted to hear.
Sorry, but like many wronged females you're blaming the wrong party. "Shady girls" aren't the problem, your shady boyfriend is.
The girls have no obligation, commitment or responsibility to you, HE does and they wouldn't be talking to him if he wasn't encouraging them.
What you really should do is start preparing for the very likely possibility that history will repeat itself and you'll end up as a single mother stuck raising your useless baby daddy's spawn completely on your own while he is out having his fun with other equally gullible chicks while feeding them the same lines you fell for.
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A
female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (8 August 2014):
 i can almost guarantee you hes cheating! im sorry but you are gonna need to kick this guy to the curb and raise this baby alone most likely. once you get rid of him i suggest you dont take him back after he sweet talks you with empty promises.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 August 2014):
I do not think there is anything you can do given your circumstances. It also makes no sense to question things NOW after deciding to go back into a relationship with him. I think your focus should be on the baby instead rather than his sex drive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): You decided to form a committed-relationship with a "sex-addicted" guy who has a cheating past, a dysfunctional family-history, and another child. You call the girls contacting him "shady?!!"
You took a risk on someone who clearly has a past AND present, that is a deal-breaker for someone as insecure as yourself.
That's the price you pay going for the "bad-boy" type; then to top it off by getting pregnant. You have to live with your choices. You don't bring someone into your life with such a background, thinking he is going to change especially for you. Thinking you can seal the deal by giving him a child to keep him around. It didn't just happen. If you don't take birth-control and don't use condoms, you might get pregnant. Hello!!!!
You risk STD infection with a guy like that. You know he is being tempted by a lot of females, who send him explicit messages offering him sex. I hope you have been tested. I would suggest you get tested every six months or so, for your own health safety.
He puts on a performance or leaves messages he knows you'll see. It doesn't mean he's not taking them up on their offers. Just covering his tracks.
You've sort of made your bed. Now you have to lie in it.
He doesn't have a credible past and he isn't a reliable partner; so you can only cross your fingers, and hope he has changed. You can't stop him from talking to anyone. He can talk to whomever he pleases. There is no way you can determine what he's up to; when you can't be around to keep an eye on him 24/7. Even if you do live out in boonies. He has to work, and those girls may have cars. They met him somehow, and they know how to reach him.
I think you should always be prepared to leave, or be left. Always put you and the baby first, and consider that you may be raising that baby alone.
He is not going to make a 360 degree change for your sake. He already has a child, and that responsibility didn't change him. He went out, had unprotected sex, and fathered yet another child that he cannot afford. I speculate he doesn't have a college degree, has a minimum-wage job (if he has one) and he's not making a lot of money. He wouldn't be so reckless as to bring another financial strain on himself; if he was even a tad bit responsible as a man. He'd also use condoms! If he doesn't use them with you, it is likely he doesn't with any other sex-partner.
I'm not trying to scare you or make things worse. You are going to be a mother, so now you have to be a smart woman; and face the reality of it.
This is a hard lesson young women your age have to learn about choices. Have a talk with him. Let him know that you will have to leave him if he doesn't respect boundaries, and if he doesn't honor your commitment.
My prediction is he will be just another under-aged father who leaves babies all over the place; and a long line of girls with broken-hearts. Yours included. For your sake,
I hope for the best. I can't paint rosy pictures, I have to give it to you straight. I care about girls like you. I care about guys like him too. They need help and mentoring. A positive male role-model to mold them into decent men.
Take care of yourself and your baby. He was not a good choice, and you can only hope for the best. Be sure that you get court ordered child-support; if he leaves, or you have to kick his ass to the curb. He still has moral and financial responsibility for the child; even if he doesn't take care of you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): "What should I do about my boyfriend talking with shady girls"
Your boyfriend is equally shady.
"He told me he was tired of girls like that and he was ready for something serious."
He's the one who's cheated in previous relationships, so I don't know why he degrades his exes by casting them aside as non-serious relationships and girls he regretted having been involved with. Does he try to justify his behavior because of his family history?
"He gave me his login information for facebook since that is the only way he can talk to people (he doesn't have a cellphone and lives out in the country miles away from the nearest town and doesn't have a car at the moment.)"
Do you think he gave you the log-in information knowing you would see those messages? Maybe he wanted you to see that he's not responding to solicitation. He could've deleted other chats where he did respond and was unfaithful to you.
Also, just because he blows these girls off doesn't make him a good guy. Why doesn't he sever ties with these people? I thought he didn't want to be with girls like that anymore. So why does he still have contact with them?
With your pregnancy, the situation is very difficult and for practical reasons too, such as finances. I really don't think you'll have a healthy relationship with this person, but you two are having a baby....so cutting ties with him will be difficult. You'll have to express your concerns to him and hope he doesn't avoid the subject or twist the truth.
I would suggest counseling, seeking guidance about trust issues and cheating spouses, but that costs money and it doesn't seem like either of you have the finances. Do you have any family or close friends who you can reach out to?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I should add an edit now. Saw my boyfriend was messaging one of those shady girls and while I was in his account he went and changed his password. Have no idea what they were talking about, so now I am really suspious.
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