A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi My Fiance and I been together for 8 yrs, Been living together in the house we bought for 4 yrs now. We are having a few issues, which I hope we can work out. 4 weeks now he has been chatting with an old girlfriend on the computer in front of me, at first it did not bother me but now it has becoming 3-5 nights a week. I feel like the back seat now. He seems to be talking to her more then me. I told him I did not like this and I told him to stop talking to her all together. He did not like what I had to say. We also have a 4 yr old daughter together. I love him but when he is talking to her it hurts me. I told him that but he seems to continue to talk to her. It could be really nothing but I feel like I am not important to him anymore. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, eloora  +, writes (8 February 2011):
I know what you're going through and I know that it really does hurt to feel second best like this. Perhaps directly telling him not to talk to her sounded to him a little overbearing which sparked off the bad reaction? Maybe you could try talking to him and telling him how you feel without suggesting that he takes such drastic action - as unfortunately for your feelings he clearly enjoys talking to her. A compromise at first may be necessary. If anything is going to change it needs to come from him, but maybe you could help him see what he is missing while having his nose buried in instant messaging most nights. You could arrange for a baby sitter once a week and go and do something new together, or suggest evenings where both of you spend quality time together without any computers or laptops. I hope you manage to work this out!
Good luck
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