A
female
age
51-59,
*hel999
writes:I have been in a relationship for quite along time now and we have recently engaged he is of foreign nationality. I have recently discovered various things i didn't know about him eg: marriage of possible convenience for status. I don't know what to do all my friends and family think I am crazy but it appears to me he is in love with me he does live with me but has also lied to me regarding one event. He wont talk to me about any of this saying I don't trust him. Am i asking too much of myself to wonder all the time who he wants me or his supposed wife.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 April 2009):
 It doesn't sound like a great way to begin a life relationship. Sometimes though, when people come from places of hardship, they may be more inclined to see the big picture. They may be more willing to do things that we've never even considered. It is important to understand that they do these things out of necessity. A marriage of convienience may be a small price to pay in exchange for the opportunity to live in a better place. Until we walk a mile in their shoes it's not so easy for us to understand. At the same time it is important for the guy to understand why this worries you.
A
female
reader, shel999 +, writes (10 April 2009):
shel999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been reading some of your answers many thanks for them. He is tanzanian and christian and she is somalian i dont know if they have been seeing each other but he certainly lied about his whereabouts 2 weeks ago as she lives in yorkshire, he was booked into a hotel and attended but when i accused him of lying he could not believe what i was saying and he fell apart. He is in contact with her everyday but lives down south with me. He has promised to marry me this year as he wants me to have his baby.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (10 April 2009):
 Forgive me for asking this, but what nationality is he and the [alleged] wife? Was it a religious marriage? What nationality is the [alleged] wife? Is the marriage recognized in the UK? Is he bound to provide for her because of this marriage? What are the consequences of this marriage to him, and of course, its implications to you. Can he or is he willing to "divorce" her if you asked him to do so? If not, why?
Those are just some of the basic questions that you need to ask him directly. If he said he could not answer your questions, ask him why that would be so? Is there an political asylum [thus someone's life is considered to be in danger] status attached to it?
I think it is justifiable that you would want to know the whole story on this. Only can you judge whether his "big lie" is so fundamental that you cannot or should not trust him to be your partner for life.
Your friends and family are concerned about you, that's also natural. But it is you who will need to find out the truth from the man himself. Your friends and family may do a bit of very discreet investigations maybe, but ask them to look for for facts as opposed to "feelings" or "opinions" yet without any supporting evidence to back them up.
Good luck. Easter is supposed to be a time to be happy with your family and friends, and hunting for eggs with the little ones, or for enjoying a hot cup of chocolate with your loved ones. I can only offer you hugs over the internet ;-)
I hope you will find the best solution for you soon.
Cat
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (10 April 2009):
What event did he lie about?
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A
female
reader, freebird  +, writes (10 April 2009):
 Hi there,I guess people do get married to get legal status. It happens among immigrants. But the point here is that he lied to you. Worse, he is not ready to open up and acknowledge this.Don't take the guilt trip. You are perfectly justified in not trusting him. I would not if I were you.Now, if you feel that he loves you, you should tell him to come clean. And until then you should stop living with him. Take a strong position, put your foot down. Its very important.Another question: Is he also seeing his legal wife?Be kind to yourself and care for your emotional wellbeing!Best,fb
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