A
female
age
41-50,
*hellybelly
writes:Im 24 and I just got engaged to my fiance 25 of 3 1/2 yrs. and I just found out that im pregnant. this is my first child but not my fiance's he already has a 5 yr old daughter that we both love to death. and im overwhelmed with being pregnant. Im so excited and just happy for us. That our little family is coming together. But he isn't too thrilled about me being pregnant and when i asked for his opinon about me being pregnant he said that he's not ready right now ..but mind you we were trying to get pregnant for months and he said since i didn't get pregnant the first month that he didn't think that i would get pregnant. So now were fighting and I really hate him for asking me to get an abortion because he's not ready right now for another child. He said its my decision to have the baby and I know I am there's no doubt in my mind and im also not afraid to have this baby and take care of it on my own. I could never take an inocent childs life. Do you think im ruining this relationship if i do have the baby. Knowing that he really doesn't want it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): If he is not going to be there for you, he has to help you financially for 18 years..Do not let him get away with helping you financially (child support) You are a really good person for doing this. I have a 6 mo. old and another on the way..it is so wonderful. I really hope you have a wonderful family to help you out when you need it. Being a single momma, you can get wic for formula and other help from the gvmt. if you don't have health insurance, they can even assist with that, and day care after you have the baby. You will get help. So don't worry that you're going to have to do this alone. This guy is a piece of sh*t for doing this to you. Saying he wants a baby, then after you get pregnant saying he does not want it? And not even telling anyone about your engagement? There have been men involved in 1 night stands who stepped up to the plate, and this fool is supposed to be your future husband? What a loser. I know you'll find a better man than this..I have a few single momma friends who are your age & they found someone else. Just make sure that he isn't a selfish jerk next time. You'll do just fine honey.
A
female
reader, shellybelly +, writes (9 October 2007):
shellybelly is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I doubt that Midge. I found out last night that he never even told his family about our engagment. So that goes to show you that maybe he was never really ready for anything. Oh well I know what I have to do .. And I plan on doing it one day at a time. Thanks for your support Midge it really means alot to me.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 If he cant see what a good person you are, and that you just want to do the right thing, then he doesnt deserve you! I really do wish you all of the very best with your new addition. Perhaps in time he will see the error of his ways.
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A
female
reader, shellybelly +, writes (7 October 2007):
shellybelly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Midge. I think I have my head on right too. Im happy that i have chosen this path for my life and I look forward to meeting my little one. I will keep you updated.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (6 October 2007):
I can honestly say that I think you have your head screwed on right. This child wasnt an accident. He wanted it at some point, so he really needs to grow up some.
You will be a wonderful mother. Dont let him or anyone else tell you otherwise!
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A
female
reader, shellybelly +, writes (5 October 2007):
shellybelly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for replying back.And giving me your words of wisdom and letting me know that I am not making a wrong decision. And since I posted that question I have talked to him and right now we are not speaking to each other. He says he is not ready for another child because we have no money saved up for such an expense as this. Mind you the night I told him I was pregnant he won 5,000 at a near by casino boat. He says were not prepared and I tell him we can save more money. Put things that we know we will need on lay-a-way. And I keep telling him over and over that this baby is not coming out tommorow. We have 9 months to save and plan. But he wants to hear nothing of it. I also asked him that if I do have this baby will his mind change. His reply was "I dont know". I couldn't tell you what the difference between my child and the one he already has with someone else is. Minding you that he was only 19 when the girl got pregnant. I dont know where he is coming from and yes he keeps telling me well you didn't get pregnant the first month so I thought you weren't going to get pregnant at all. He refuses to be intimate with me now. And he hasn't told him family yet. Everyone in my family knows including my co-workers at both of my jobs. So right now since we are not speaking I have decided to have my baby. Give my baby my last name. And bust my ass off for the rest of my life to make sure my baby has everything it needs. I know I dont need him or his money. There are other fish in the sea. And so many other girls have raised a child on there own so I know im not alone. But once again I thank you all so much for your support. And for ansewering my question.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (4 October 2007):
Okay, this guy is seriously confused!
So he wants to have a baby and because it didnt happen when HE wanted it to, and it came later, he has now decided he doesnt want it anymore. Is this guy on the same planet as us or what?
You may love him, but if he doesnt respect the fact that he is the father of this baby, and doesnt want to be in its life, then he obviously doesnt deserve you!
I am so glad that you feel strong enough to do this on your own if you have to. It may come down to the fact that you might have to. Its a scarey road but you WILL manage it!
If he already has one kid, then what is his problem. You really need to discuss this with him and find out what his problem is now that you are pregnant when that is what he wanted to start.
This is supposed to be a happy time for you, not an unhappy time. Your baby will start to feel when its mom is unhappy. Babies feel all its mother emotions and you do not want this baby to be affected by this, so you really need to discuss it with him and find out where his head is at and what has changed.
Dont let him decide what you do with this baby. I am totally with you when you say that you couldnt destroy this baby. I wouldnt be able to either. I miscarried many years ago and it affects me to this day that my baby would have been 10 years old now but instead he isnt hear because I miscarried. Its not something that I would recommend for anyone to have to deal with if they can help it!
Let us know what happens! Best of Luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 "Since you didn't get pregnant the first month he didn't think you'd get pregnant" What kind of logic is that?
Obviously he wasn't really hoping you'd get pregnant. You could be ruining the relationship but it might not be worth saving. If he had been honest in the first place or if he had a change of heart before you became pregnant, this wouldn't be happening. I don't know all his reasons for not wanting the child. Maybe some are valid. You need to have a big talk about this and see where he stands. Let him know he's going to be a father one way or another because you're having the child. He can choose what role he plays.
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A
female
reader, drastic knowledge +, writes (4 October 2007):
 well i think you need to tell him how you feel for him asking you to abort this baby after him wanting to cum in you getting you pregnant
how is this baby any differnt from his other child no differnt if he cant man than youll have to take this in your own hands pretty much chose him or this baby
i say if hes that much of a jerk than leave him and keep the baby
good luck
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