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female
age
36-40,
*T
writes:I am 23yr old and i have been with my fiance for 4yrs. Over the last year or so he has become less and less interested in sex with me all he wants is handjobs. I understand that this might be something he is into but it just seems its all about him, we have a good life and i don't understand why he wouldn't want to get intimate with me. He hasn't had sex with me in two months and i could count on both hands how many times we have had sex in the last year when he gets what he wants at least four times a week. I have needs too and when he finally does have sex with me im put off because i feel he doesn't enjoy it and he's just doin it to get me off his back. Has he cheated, does he not fancy me anymore, i know he loves me and he is so affectionate in many other ways I know im a good looking woman but im really starting to lose my self esteem, i need some advice as we are getting married in five months.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This sucks...I am a good looking guy and my girl is not feeling it. We have been together 5 years and Im going to find a girl that wants to feel the thunder if she doesnt come around soon. HAHA
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male
reader, Budjiman1  +, writes (28 September 2010):
Man, I am in the same boat BUT the only difference is that I am a guy! At first my girl and I were really hot for eachother for like3-3 1/2 YEARS!!! Then it it started slowing down and now (2 weeks before our 5 year anniversary) we make love MAYBE once every 2-3 months! I wish I could fix it. I don't know what I did or am doing wrong but I would change it asap if I could because its making me feel totally worthless, unloved and unattractive. At least I know I'm not alone! I hope we can all feel the love and intense intimacy we once had again!
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female
reader, Holly23 +, writes (14 January 2010):
I am having the same problem as well. My fiancé couldn't keep his hands off me for the first 4 or 5 months and then it was more of a normal sex life and then turned to once or twice a month and then if he feels like it only or if I make a big enough of a fuss that he gives it to me. I'm sorry but I am only 24 and we are not even married yet so the sex should be frequently and hot for the most part. I have tried doing everything I can think of but watch porn with him or role playing. I have bought lingerie and I'm talking some sexy stuff, but I didn't even get laid. I got pleasures but not full out the right result. I have worked out more, slept nude, dyed my hair bought all new panties, thongs only and not much has happened! I know I can't marry him like this , I am assuming you can't either. It's so hard to sleep with him next to you when you feel like you disgust them. I toss and turn and freak out on him cuz the sexual tension or stress is making me mad. Let's make a deal I'll continue to try and will continue to let him know this is an issue if you say something to him. If it don't work i think women rely on intamacy touch in a relationship that being committed without it is near impossible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): I am 40 years old. I have been with the same guy for over 13 years. Believe it never gets better. I wish I was smart enough to leave when I was younger. I keep hoping and thinking he would overcome this. we are engaged but the sex sucks. i gave up all of my dreams. I hope you can still catch yours. leave him.
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female
reader, jessika1 +, writes (5 January 2009):
Hello dear lady,since he is your fiance, my guess is you have tried to talk with him about this matter, and it gets you no where- except with unanswered questions or in an argument. i'm sure that he does love you and does want to marry you...however, consider some, of many, reasons why this is happening... please hear me out no matter how negative it sounds at first...He is gay - in denial or wants to marry for comfort and appearance, or doesn't want to live that lifestyle. You are beautiful to him, but he is not attracted to you in that way any more. He is using you - for companionship, for money, for whatever..ORSex to him is not important to him any more, maybe when he was younger, but not now. Different, more unusual things turns him on, but he is not comfortable telling you that it is difficult to have sex when he loves someone. For some men sex is easy, easy to get off, but sex with love, and love making is very difficult, even if you did at first, now that he is in love with you, it is difficult. He has no desire or much of a sex drive any more, it's too much work for him, too much effort, therefore a little lazy and uninterested in the whole thing now - stress, pressure to have sex with you - medication - depression - religious reasons - sure you've had sex at first, but now that marriage is in the scenerio, he wants to wait till your married.Whatever the reason or reasons are, you need to decide if this is how you can live the rest of your life. It may never change.Advice: if you can't do this any more... you can't marry him. You will always wonder and feel insecure about who you are and in the same process damage your attractiveness that you have for yourself and self esteem so you need to leave, no matter how much it hurts.If you decide that you can live with this... then you need to try and not take it personally. This is after all his problems. Yes it would be ideal if he would talk to you about it and give you the direct, honest answers that you need, but that may not happen. he may not know exactly himself, or be to afraid to tell you... nevertheless, you need to try and not internalize the feelings of rejection and insecurity. Enjoy the time you spend together, have fun with each other, try new experiences together, and love each other but then love him... for the way he is. Try not to start fights about this matter. Sometimes fights are about other attractive women, or seeing other people being intimate on TV or wherever, then you get angry and hurt because you don't have that with him but you need to not do that if you decide to stay with him. He is who he is. It will probably not change, unless maybe you two go to couples counseling, or he figures it out and talks to you about it in the future.Good luck in whatever you decide, and remember... keep talking to him, but not persistently. Let it go for quite some time and see if things change on their own, or leave if you can't live this way... and please remember... it is not you.Best wishes, jessika
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): this has been a problem for 5 months now . what should i do?he says he loves me but doesnt want sex but he looks at lots of pretty women and is to friendly with them not to ant sex.he is 54 and i am 56 and very attractive.im so upset , he started out wanting it all of the time.but he was drinking a lot then too.please help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Look I'm 19 going on 20 and I'm also a good looking girl ok. My boyfriend has been doing the same to me for the past three months and i felt like i was ugly. So the other day I went down the supermarket and bought ultra sensitive condoms and let him know and I bought Horny Goat Weed for Men and told him it was B Vitamins and Guarana and the first night I gave it to him and the second he gave me really wild sex. I haven't had that in ages. Maybe you should try that or maybe he has a defficiency in something don't think he's cheating on you trust me. He might just lack the energy or testosterone. Hope this helps you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): i dont even want to think of what you are going through,but want i will ask you is Girl what are you still doing in this relationship,its obviously he got his hand to do your job
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): That sounds really selfish of him, I wouldn't be getting married with this sort of problem over your head it will only get worse. But just think yourself lucky in some way as some girls are going through the opposite where if he wants it he gets it, because its not worth the pain or punishment not to. Some guys think that it is there god given right to have sex, and when your in a relationship it is expected not spontaneous or because your in love. When you do something because you have to, it starts to take away any enjoyment to the point its painful and hurts you inside because your being used. I know this probably isn't helping your problem, but I would rather wank someone off than be forced to have sex when you don't want to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): I have the same issue with my fiancee. We've been together for about 2 years, and since the beginning, he has never been really sexually active. Maybe once a month. I want more but when I tried, he turned around so eventually I stopped trying. Now there is just no sex and intimacy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): You really have to talk to him about this, your not even married yet and this is what its like, what will it be like in a few years? thing is it could be something natural, my boyfriend went off sex for a few months when he got a new job, I got completely paranoid but turned out to be stress related. I hope things work out for you, just talk to him
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Wow! I'd put the brakes on this marriage real quick. Is this guy's idea of "getting some strange" having you use your left hand instead of your right? LOL. This guy needs a check-up from the neck up. Either get him to counseling or you get out the door. I think I'd choose the latter. He's screwy. Good luck.
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female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (31 January 2008):
 I certainly would not consider marrying your b/f until you have this sex issue resolved. There is nothing to suggest he is cheating on you, as you say he is affectionate and loving so i doubt it's that. You need to speak to him and say that you can't have a sex life like this, it seems that he gets all the pleasure, and you are left with nothing. It's all about give and take. Have a good talk and see if he has any worries that could be contributing to this. Good luck.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (31 January 2008):
 I think before you and your fiance get married, you and him need to sit down and talk about why he finds sex such a chore. I assume you guys had a good sex life beforehand, as you give him handjobs its obvious he still has a libido.
Ask him if you feel that your sex life has got stale and needs pepping up a bit (maybe he feels that). Suggest to him to share what turns you on, cos your wrists must be aching by now lol. No seriously, maybe you two can pep things up in the bedroom by going to your local book store and buy a sex manual. You guys can read this together and maybe experiment things that a new to you both ,its worth a try. Also you can act out fantasies you both may have and see what happens. Explain to him that you have needs and you feel that sex plays a very important part of your relationship amongst other things too
Good luck Hun, and let me know what happens next. Dusky xxx
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reader, Serinity +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Hmmm, I would definitely reconsider marriage at this point. He's already cheated on you and he would rather have hand jobs then make love to you? What kind of future do you think you're in for? Has he ever even bothered to tell you why he prefers hand jobs over making love to you? Any chance he could be bi-sexual? If I were you I would evaluate this situation very closely before you tie the knot! Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): The getting married bit may be part of it. Nerves? Sometimes blokes get a bit nervous and lose their erection, but have more confidence in the manual version as it is not such an intimate thing. This kind of worry can go round and round, worse and worse. You need to talk. If you can’t talk about this, you shouldn’t be marrying him. This should be gentle talk and both of you discuss calmly without offence or blame. It is a good opportunity to get closer and grow more understanding. You may not like to hear what he says, if for example there are second thoughts, but these are best out if they are there. Try not to worry until you know whether there is something to worry about.
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