A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé dated a guy who was 6 years older than her when she was 14, he was her first love but she cheated on him with me and we ended up being together. We're the same age, we started going out when we were 16 up to now.She told me she loves me very much but still has feelings for this guy even though he's moved on and has a girlfriend, she still wants to keep in touch with him.I'm so confused. She told me she wants both of us to be a part of her life because she cares for both of us....she loves me and wants to be good friends with her ex? She said she doesn't want him back, she only wants him to be part of her life. I don't know how to deal with her behavior, she's very emotional about it and I can't really tell her what's on my mind. Is there anyone out there who knows how to handle this kind of situation?
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female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (8 August 2013):
 She isn't over him, and she's in denial about the fact that she isn't over him.That's going to be a tough route for you to navigate, but I think what you ought to do is to tell her that you're not comfortable with what she's asking for here.Maybe it's all the emotions that come with knowing she's getting married, but something stirred up feelings in her akin to the kind of feelings one has when they first break up with an ex. She's wistful and remembering her past with him through rose-colored glasses.Just like the advice for when two people break up, I'd say she shouldn't be near the guy at this point and drop all communication with him so that she can get over him again.Do you know how this guy feels about maintaing a friendship with her? Is it she who reaches out to him? Or is it a mutual thing?
A
female
reader, newbern  +, writes (7 August 2013):
Let her deal with it and make her choice. If her love for you is stronger than her love for him, she'll tell you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): If she persists in having him in her life, it's only because she is not over him.
No who is one over an ex is that adamant about staying in touch. In fact, it isn't healthy. She admits having feelings for him. Those feelings should have changed by now. Time to move on, just as her ex has.
She is compromising her present relationship, holding on to an old one. This is at the expense of possibly losing someone who wants to marry her.
I would postpone wedding plans until you know where she is coming from. The man has a girlfriend and she isn't letting go even with this knowledge. Your concern is justified.
She isn't really ready for marriage. She has to let go of the past first. You'll always feel like you're competing for love, and that isn't fair to you.
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