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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi im just writing because i need some 1 to talk to im 19 years old and 20 weeks pregnant with my first childyesterday i found out that my baby is at high risk of having down syndromei dont know what to do .. dont know if i can handle a child with downs .. im just scared i have the chances of a 37 year old women .. how can that be...next week im going to c a specialist to do test on me .. i wish that i could get it done like asap i dont want to wate ... a week feels like forever!my doctor told me that if the baby comes out that she does have downs i can still abort.......I dont think i can do that i already named her (heaven)....i really need advice ... what do u think i should do... what would u do if u were in this situationplz helptnx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mature Lady  +, writes (14 August 2010):
As an ex maternity nurse I know exactly what you are going through,and how you are feeling,but let me explain I am also the mother of an adopted Downs Syndrome son,he came to us from a Childrens Home when he was 3yrs old and is now 34,yes a Down's child will need quite a bit of extra work and stimulation,but it is great watching every little achievement they make,my son is a swimmer who competes and swims all over the country,he has twice competed in the Special Olympics,winning medals.I feel you wan't to keep your baby and if you do there are lots of organisations to give you help,but if you feel you really cannot do it no-one should think any less of you,but do think seriously before aborting.Please feel free to e-mail me if I can help you with any more questions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): it is really hard,but with time you will just get to have this strong love bond with your baby.i will advise you not to abort,i aborted before and i am regrating it a lot such that right now i truely want a child but have no man.
keep your baby its a gift from God ,appreciate it as a fruit of your womb and your own.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (12 August 2010):
 PS, I know how upset and worried you must be over this, but doctor's have to give you all the risks obviously and it is good that we have the technology now to find out so you can make an educated decision.
Of course you will be in our prayers for a negative test. I would also ask if this is something you need to be concerned about in future pregnancies, perhaps it won't be.
Take care and all the best to you.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 August 2010):
 From what you have posted, the odds of a 37 year old are statistically higher than a younger woman - but it is just that, a statistic. I assume that you have amniocentisis booked to give more conclusive evidence of potential birth problems. Although some children born with Downs have profound medical difficulties, others do not. There are a wide range of abilities. If your test confirms the likelihood of Downs syndrome then I suggest you contact some of the support groups working in your community with families affected by the condition. They may put you in touch with actual parents and this is what you need to make an informed choice about the future.
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female
reader, kglo +, writes (11 August 2010):
Oh hunny, To be honest i feel this is a decision you need to decide without any influence from others. You are still young and any pregnancy at your age is tough, even when its a healthy child, ask yourself how you would prepare, feel, and cope with the situation.Downs syndrome can be very stressful for carers/parents and you need to make sure your fully prepared if you choose to go through with it. It will be tough, and there will be alot more of your time spent caring for the child in all aspects both physically and mentally, with regular doctors appointments and check ups. also you would have to realise chances are your child will die before you.My advice would be find out from your specialist, and figure it out yourself, others can easily tell you 'its not going to be bad and that you will manage' but only you know how you feel.I Wish you all the best
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): i am number 3 of 4 children, and my two sisters (one younger one older) have severe mental disabilites. While not downs, the problems they have are still very difficult to deal with. Through them and disability support groups i know many ppl with downs. And many families who live with them. I made the decision years ago when i was a child that if i had a baby who had disabilities that were so severe i would dedicate my life just to looking after them, that i wouldn't be able to do it. Im now 23, getting married next yr, and while i know my chances of having a disabled child are low (my parents had incompatible genes) i still worry about it. Knowing just how hard it is to look after someone with a disability, i simply dont think i can do it. My parents split over it after 30yrs, and i still have some resentment that i was always 2nd best as such growing up. Children with disabilites take up so much time and effort that 'normal' siblings dont get as much time from the parents. My older brother doesnt talk to the family much because of our sisters, he cant handle them. My mum still looks after my younger sister who is now 19, and will do so until she passes. My older sis is in government care (not by family choice) and much as they look after her they do not understand her. Personally, if i was in your situation, i think i would have to abort. I know myself that after living with it for 20 years, i cant devote the rest of my life to dealing with it. I love my sisters dearly and would do anything for them, but their is nothing i can do to improve their quality of life. They are happy. But they dont understand so much of the world. It is sad. This is a decision that only you can make. And your partner. I do not know how accurate the tests are, if they will tell you without a doubt that your bub will have downs or if they could be wrong. Otherwise, is adoption a possibility? I am actually against abortion, except in this kinda case or if they baby resulted from rape. I just know how hard it will be if you have a child with downs, but at the same time as someone else said, you will love them anyway. It is your choice. But take this week before the test weighing up your options. Know what you will do either way before you find out the answer. Can you devote the rest of your life to this child? Could you live with yourself if you choose abortion? Very tough decision. I wish you the best of luck
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female
reader, romany +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Grrrr, blooming computer, I dont like this touch pad thingy.........
Ignore the one below, read this one!!
I had a friend who gave birth at 18 to a downs daughter, she went on to have 3 more children, and her downs daughter is now in an independant living home, doing very well, I met this lady as we shared pregnancies, because
I was also given a very high percentage of carrying a down baby, with my daughter, 23 years ago, when I was 18, I chose not to have the amniocentesis, so I waited a further 22 weeks till she was born (she was late) and after the birth, I held her for a good hour before I checked her palm for the one crease, only to find 2. I was thrilled she was totally perfect, but then before I saw the 2 creases in her palm, I still saw her as perfect, but i'd done my own research, and made my own decision, I followed my own gut feeling, and altho i understand your seeking advice, I would take people opinions here with a pinch of salt, what you need is facts, people here have no emotional ties/bond to the baby, they have not felt that baby move, and some will only focus on the negative side of downs, as their experiences may be that of a negative one.
Please do your homework, and remember, I WASN'T CARRYING A DOWNS, but i was told i was high risk too.
Good luck sweetheart, xx
As someone that has grown up with down syndrome people around, and taught life skills to them, and watched my chldren grow with them, I can tell you know, that previous post on here have only given you the very bad of the very worse case scenario, but they are wonderful people, loving and quirky and forever true to themselves
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female
reader, romany +, writes (11 August 2010):
I had a friend who gave birth at 18 to a downs daughter, she went on to have 3 more children, and her downs daughter is now in an independant living home, doing very well, I met this lady as we shared pregnancies, because
I was also given a very high percentage of carrying a down baby, with my daughter, 23 years ago, when I was 18, I chose not to have the amniocentesis, so I waited a further 22 weeks till she was born (she was late) and after the birth, I held her for a good hour before I checked her palm for the one crease, only to find 2. I was thrilled she was totally perfect, but then before I saw the 2 creases in her palm, I still saw her as perfect, but i'd done my own research, and made my own decision, I followed my own gut feeling, and altho i understand your seeking advice, I would take people opinions here with a pinch of salt, but take into condsideratknow to help you make a decision, that they have no emotional ties/bond to, has not felt that baby move, and can only focus on the negative side of downs.
As someone that has grown up with down syndrome people around, and taught life skills to them, and watched my chldren grow with them, I can tell you know, that previous post on here have only given you the very bad of the very worse case scenario, but they are wonderful people, loving and quirky and forever true to themselves.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (11 August 2010):
I know I am going to get a lot of push back and disagreement, but here goes, the reason we have these tests is to find gross birth defects before bringing a life to the world to have to suffer the consequences of these defects.
Many many downes syndrome children are born with other numerous defects, heart and lungs are often not developed either. I had a girlfrien who's first baby at 23 had downs syndrome. Her daughter had multiple surgeries, she had to be fed through a tube because she was unable to swallow, she died at about 8 months of age, they called it Sids, basically they don't know why she died, she died in her sleep. She and her husband went on to have three more children and eventually divorced after about 9 years of marriage. I think the strain of their fights and disagreements over the care of their first daughter caused irreperable damage to their marriage. My girlfriend is Catholic and does not believe in terminating a pregnancy for any reason, her husband has a more scientific practical view. These kinds of differences are huge.
No one can tell you what to do, get the facts and I am afraid you will have to come to your own decision. I beleive an unborn fetus, is just that, a fetus, and it is the humane thing to do to terminate a pregnancy of a fetus with severe birth defects if given the knowledge beforehan that there is a problem. I am sure other's would disagree with me and can tell stories of downs children and the joy they bring. That said I have never heard of a downs baby living beyond the age of 30 or 35, and that's pushing it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Don't let anybody talk you into an abortion. This is your decision and your decision ONLY. I think coming on here for advise on this matter wasn't a great idea as this is a serious thing and people giving you their own personal opinion on this matter is the least you want/need as it could put thoughts into your head and you may make the wrong choice. This should be your own decision.
I think if the results do turn out positive that this baby does have down syndrome, then only you will know what to do, you WILL know, believe me. Does this baby have a father? what's his thoughts? Remember, no matter what the child is, it's still apart of you and it's YOUR baby.
Don't worry too much, just relax. My mom had me at 38 and they told my mom the same thing, 'Higher risk of Down Syndrome' and I was fine (obviously). Also, I went to school with many kids who their parents had them at 40 and they told their mom the same thing. But yes, if the results come out positive, it's your OWN decision, don't let anyone talk you into anything you don't want to, even your partner.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Raising a child with Down Syndrome will require a ton more time, a ton more money, and may never be independent. It's impossible to tell how severe it will be until the baby is born, but in it's most severe cases you may have to devote yourself to the point where you or the father won't be able to maintain a career. At your age, I would strongly reconsider having a baby with Down Syndrome. I understand you've named it, but at this point it's not a baby. It's still a developing fetus. You can have another baby later in life. You're still INCREDIBLY young. Having even a normally functioning baby at your age will put a serious damper on your plans, but a baby with Down Syndrome could completely destroy any shot you have at your own life. If you don't have a ton of financial support you will eventually burn out. If the amnio comes back positive for this, I'd really seriously consider the abortion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I am going to say I am Pro Choice in every way, but this is a difficult situation....
There have been cases of children whom the doctors were SURE it was going to have downs syndrome and now they're perfectly fine healthy human beings.
Honestly... there is no right or wrong answer(keep that in mind) even if Heaven is born with downs you won't love her any less.
Wait until after the doctor does more tests.
I truly wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart.
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female
reader, josiemayer20 +, writes (11 August 2010):
well this is a really sad situation. I am sorry to hear these things but you still have hope. I was pregnant with my son and because he has a cyst on his brain they assume the same thing and to make a long story shot it eventually went away on its own and my son is a very heatlthy smart 1 yr old celebrating 2 next month. I don't think you need to stress it yet but please keep me posted and if i cant help with anything else I would love to.
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reader, blawndie +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Wow, it would be so hard, everyone just wishes their child is born healthy so they can have the easiest and happiest life possible. It is a lot of work, but you will love your child unconditionally. I guess just wait the week. I am curious though, why is your child at high risk for down syndrome? I wish you all the luck in the world, and maybe look at it as a gift.
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