A
female
age
30-35,
*ublyuYa
writes:I apologize for the wordiness, I'll try my best to stick to the point. I've been dating an amazing guy for the last 11 months- the first guy I have ever dated in fact that actually respects me as a person, appreciates me and gives a damn about how I feel. Up until about 2-3 months ago we never argued, but it started with him lying about helping his parents when actually he was smoking tons of weed with his friends. He lied because he knows I am against it, and because he told me he hasn't smoked it for over a year and a half. I believed him when he swore he only smoked it twice since we started dating and both within that week, and i forgave him even though it took a while to regain that trust back. We talked about it and I agreed that very occasionally he can smoke as long as he doesn't drive and doesn't make it a regular thing. This decision and finding out about the lie should not have been that big of a deal for me, I know that. I've smoked weed in the past, and know it's not really all that dangerous, but here comes the problem: I don't know how or if I should ever tell him the real reason why I'm hypocritically against him smoking weed, why it bothers me so much that he CONSTANTLY watches pro-marijuana documentaries and why I suddenly start tearing up whenever I know he's been smoking.My last semester of grade 12 I befriended a group of people, mostly guys, who smoked weed at least once or more a day. One evening, one of the guys was driving me home, high and with a bit of alcohol in him (bad idea, I know, but my parents are very strict and I had no other way to get back home.) He stopped before dropping me off and demanded a blow job, and being where I was, I followed through out of fear. It was something that scarred me for a long time because even as I choked and cried he would not let my head go, and with guys I dated previously not being the nicest people either, this solidified my belief that there's not much more guys want from girls, and really destroyed my trust in men.Ever since then though, whenever weed came up the back of my mind would always return to this scene, even though weed usually does not create such a personality, and alcohol was probably to blame (plus his rotten personality), but I just can't seem to dissolve the association. If I tell my boyfriend about it he might understand my disapproval, as well as my insecurities and lack of belief whenever he complements me, and the reason it took me months to be able to get the courage to go down on him, although I trusted him to not act the same way. But should I? I know he has beaten guys up before for hurting his female friends in less or equally serious scenarios, and they weren't even dating -- the guy who did this lives in the same city and is a pretty shady character at times, I'm terrified my boyfriend will demand to know who it is and go after him. I just wish there was something I can do to make him understand me more without triggering a serious response.Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
View related questions:
blow-job Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ninety99  +, writes (12 August 2010):
I would say if you find he smokes again, tell him; in fact you should tell him either way. You should say its a past you want to put behind you and forget about. Also if he gets angry tell him you love him very much and don't want anything to happen to him if he goes after the guy, also probably not a good idea to tell him the guy's name under any circumstances unless you want him going after him...
A
male
reader, JazzedUp  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I believe you should. I once dated a girl who had a past she wasn't proud of, and she waited until I was on my last nerve to tell me. I felt awful, and I could do nothing to soothe her after that. I suggest telling him when you two have a close moment. Just be honest and DON'T do it in front of other people. I had to misfortune to be told in front of my step brother and a lunch table full of people with cameras for eyes. My reaction would inevitably become cement. No matter what I said, someone could argue it. Don't do that. If you care, then just tell him in privacy. I know he'll understand if you do that. I hope this helps...
...............................
|
