| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: One of my friends (who's 16) recently told me her and her sister are so close they even have sexualy contact. She told me they perform oral sex on each other and I find this very disturbing. Her sister is 14 and they have apparantly had this relationship since she was 11. I can't get it out of my head as I view family members as a unit to help each other out and look out for each other - I certainly don't view them in a sexual way. I want to help her but she doesn't seem to notice that it's wrong. Also I'm worried that this will have an affect on her sister in the future when she's old enough to realise how disturbing it really is.
View related questions:
oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Hey, I do feel for you I've just read all of these answers you have received so far.. I bet they haven't helped too much as you've got one group telling you to keep quiet and another group telling you to speak up. Don't let these answers confuse you, Everyone who's read this question is obviously concerned and thats why the answers are so strong. You have to read them, digest them, and then re-read them and digest them again. Understand that everyone will give differet opinions and you just to have to take the best bit from each person.....
Ok now here's what I think of this sitaution. I am concerned about what you've posted. You are doing the right thing by gaining advice, this is not something to carry by yourself, you are young and may I add mature, you must feel pressured by knowing this informartion.
I am concerned, in regards to the answer posted saying that some siblings explore with each other: I think that when this happens its a passing moment, one off... The situation between these sisters has been going on for years..I am also concerned because for the younger girl, it started when she was 11, too young to understand, as she's getting older she may be starting to understand, and could possibly find herself in a situation where she is too worried or even frightened to say 'No I don't want you to do this anymore' (PLEASE bear in mind, this is just an opinion, a different outlook on the situation) If this is the case then it could be benneficial to take action..
I have heard stories of brothers and sisters; sisters and sisters; cousins; etc. getting together.... But that is usually when they are adults, not children like these two!
I think you should get this off your chest and out of your hands. I really don't want to advise you on who to tell because it will have a serious affects on other peoples lives, however if the scenerio progresses into something where someone is too scared to stop it then its abuse and people need to step in! If you really don't know what to do pherhaps you could call child line anonomously and speak to some real professionals, I don't think many people on this site are real proffesionals, just people adding their feedback, Call 0800 1111, If you feel more action is needed you can go to a local connexions centre, if you are uncomfortable talking to strangers your only option IS to talk to your parents and LET them help you out!
Good luck honey, if you need anymore advice, you know where we are x x x
A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (6 March 2006):
 Hmm.. this is an interesting situation. I can't help but wonder if your friend said this to you to get attention or if this is really happening. Sometimes people lie about horrible things and just can't control themselves. Maybe there is a situation going on at home causing them to behave this way, or causing your friend to seek some attention. However, if these two girls are consenting to this and it isn't a situation where one girl is forcing herself on her sister, then I am sure this situation will play out on its own as they get older. Not everyone is traumatized by that sort of thing, believe it or not. While it may really freak you out (obviously it has) it may just be an "exploration" thing. Either way, I think the very best you can do is to let your friend know that you feel this is wrong (as does most of society!) and you think she should consider the long range problems it may cause. Talking to others about it may not be such a good idea as it will alienate you from your friend and more than likely she and her sister will deny anything was going on -- if for no other reason than to save themselves from the embarrassment. I realize that you want to help, but all you can really do is be there for your friend, you can't force her to make any decisions.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 March 2006):
 it is your place to help them deal with this. I have no understanding as to why you shouldnt. This is something that if it was going on between a male and female would be stopped and viewed as a terrible thing.
Far to many people bury their heads in the sand. The 16 year old should know better. If this has been going on for 3 years already how much longer is it gonna be going on for. At what point will these sisters see it is both wrong and could have far-reaching psychological effects on them which could carry on into their futures.
When you confide in somebody else about this you will not only rid yourself of the burden of dealing with this secret alone, but you will be able to obtain for your friends the help they need.
This sort of behaviour between siblings is known as INCEST. And for people on here to tell you to ignore it is both bad advice and also leaves you in a situation were you have to bear the burden of this secret alone, something I would not wish on anybody just leaving childhood behind and entering into adulthood.
I do hope you have somebody you are close to you can confide in. Take their advice and do not try to deal with carrying this secret alone.
Please let us know what you decide.x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): It's a problem for you, but the subject is to do with the two sisters. I am fully aware that something should be done about it, but it is not in your place to expose them to outsiders. Like some of the other people, I suggest you talk with the sisters, rather than tell others.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): I dont believe you should speak to there parent or anything other adults. firstly you should talk to them and see if they understand whats going on. to see why there doing what there doing. maybe they doing because they need more affection from each other that there not geting from others. i think you should talk to your friend and her sister because you make a decision. really think it thro
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): For siblings close to the same age like your friend and her sister, 'sexual exploration' is something that many people consider shocking. The idea of any siblings partaking in sexual exploring is very appalling and socially unacceptable to many of us, but it does happen... alot more than we realize. I know, it happened to me. My sister was 3 years older and we 'explored'. We had a very unhappy family life. We needed more support and love from our parents, I feel. It did not cause her and I, any adverse problems. We grew up, we married and had kids.It was never thought of again, until I read your posting. But that is just my story and outcome, not all individuals will react the same way. Whether or not this will cause emotional scars in the two sisters, is hard to say because they are both so close in age and it depends on their personalities. However, when there is coercion or a significant age difference between the siblings, then it is considered abuse. Generally an age gap of over five years, is considered coercion. What it sounds like to me is these sisters may have a lot of unmet emotional needs and kids who lack this, may turn to each other for comfort, nurturance, and support thus the onset sexual exploration resulting from emotional difficulties right within the family, itself. Keep this one to yourself or be prepared to go the distance. Talk to a trusted adult, who knows them or just go to the one person, who can deal with this-their Mother!If that isn't an option, then report this to child services, anonymously. Just remember, you could lose a friend over this but she may even come to understand why you did what you did, some years down the road. You are in a tough spot...good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (5 March 2006):
 i really think some action is required becuse personnally i dont think these girls would be doing this unless there was something deeply wrong in thier family!
get them to speak to a youth worker or a sexual help centre for youngsters , im not sure of what is out there in differant regions but i do know that the help is out there and they will need need help to get over this to make sure it dosent ruin thier adult lives and future familys!
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 March 2006):
iF THIS WAS A 16 YEAR OLD BROTHER GETTING IT ON WITH HIS 14 YEAR OLD SISTER THERE WOULD BE MAJOR UPROAR ON HERE!!
SOMEBODY NEEDS TO SORT THIS OUT!!!
This is a totally amoral situation, not to mention psychologically damaging to all involved and who know about it.
tell somebody you trust and get it sorted by an adult.....NOW!
...............................
A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (4 March 2006):
 okay maybe talking your mum isnt the greatest idea but you need to really do something about the siuation. maybe your friend and sister dont see that its wrong but it is and its your job as a friend to help her see that. all these people who say forget it its not your problem are wrong as when your friend told you about her relationship with her sister she bought you in her dirty lil secret and now your part of the problem. if you dont deal with it soon its only gonna get worse
...............................
A
female
reader, emma1 +, writes (4 March 2006):
hiya getting yourself involved more than you are by telling on them will cause loads of shit.please stay out of it,its there problem.try and distance yourself from the 2 girls.take care and try and 4get about it.xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): YOU NEED TO TELL YOUR PARENTS NOW !!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): Hi I'm the person who put this problem here. To martini - it is a problem for me when they bring me into it and being only 16 myself it's very hard to comprehend. Don't tell me it's not my problem - my friend brought me into this and I think i want to help her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): I admit this is an immoral act of two sisters, but I also believe that she should stay out of this. This is not her problem. It is the problem of those two sisters. By telling her mom, what will she achieve? We don't know what will happen, and just expect the worst to come out of this. So I implore you to leave it alone, and be on your own way!
...............................
A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (4 March 2006):
You should speak to someone about this as there is obviously something wrong. If the younger sister was 11 when it began she will not realise that it is wrong and it may mentally screw her up. thro they are sisters and there is only two years apart from them its still a form of abuse. you should speak to someone you trust and find the best way to deal with it. do not do nothing, you have to do something as you know and if you dont it will only carry on.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (4 March 2006):
This is rancid and quite frankly at 14 and 16 they should both know it is totally wrong. I dont think you should stay out of this, I do think you should tell somebody like your Mum and ask for there guidance. This is too big a problem to have rattling round your head and to deal with on your own.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): This is their problem. Do NOT reveal what they do with others. This has nothing to do with you.
...............................
|
