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My feelings for my boyfriend aren't as strong any more

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 April 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2009)
A female Canada age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend who is 25, and me, 21, have been dating for 3 and a half months. After a while, we started arguing about small things, but it would escalate to him losing his temper and threatening to break up with me. I would always be the one coming back begging for forgiveness.

So this went on and on, and finally one time, he got mad at me for not thinking his bad tasted comment was funny. We were in a public place, and he ended up swearing at me and calling me a bitch. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I broke up with him.

After he got sad, mad, angry, all those emotions, he took full blame and swore he would never lose his temper again, and that he wanted to make us work. So I took a few days to myself to think things over, missed him so much, and took him back. My family wasn’t happy with that decision, because they knew why I broke up with him, and knew about his temper, and were just happy I had ended things. So now I don’t think I can bring him around my family for quite a while.

But the thing is, now that we’re back together, I just don’t have the same feelings towards him. He loves me so much, says I’m his soul mate, and wants to marry me, and that scares me because I just don’t know how I feel anymore. If I give it more time, do you think the feelings will come back? I just don’t want to hurt him, because he is really sweet, and I care deeply for him. So I feel like if I end it now, I’m not giving it a fair chance to work. But there is that constant doubt feeling in my mind now, and I just want it to go away and to have things go back to the way they were. Am I just dragging it out, or should I give it more of a chance?

View related questions: broke up, soulmate

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):

Hey girl, well I think you should give it a chance because if you end it now than you will always have that thought in the back of your head, "could it have worked, could I have loved him just as much as I did before, eventually have gotten married, would he have changed his temper and maybe even have gone to the doctor for his anger?". I think you should find out these questions before splitting up with him. Later girl.

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A female reader, ErinPatterson United States +, writes (1 April 2009):

ErinPatterson agony auntI would be a bit freaked out to be honest with you. He sounds like the type that has to make you look or feel bad in order for him to feel good. I could be wrong but thats what it sounds like. I would not let him play on your sympathies. Maybe sit down and (this is going to sound silly) write down what good is there with him...and what bad. Sometimes that really helps..do you fight more than you get along?..some things you should really ask yourself.no one is perfect no relationship is perfect but if you cant come to a "happy medium" after the "newness" wears off..is it worth it..

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A female reader, Cherie, United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2009):

Cherie, agony auntHiii, I Think You Have A Very Bad situation here,

i kinda had the same thing happen to me but i ignored the fact that i didnt feel the same and let the relationship

carry on, and as i let it carry on and spent lots off time with my boyfriend the feeling about not liking him as much as i did floated away, and now we are quite happy.

but you might not want to deal with things as i did,

but i think you need more time to miss him and see how much he means to you, GOOOD LUCKK, let me no how things go.xx

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A female reader, howcomehoney France +, writes (1 April 2009):

howcomehoney agony auntI think that you're staying with him out of something akin to politeness. The more it drags on, the harder it's going to be to leave him - but you're going to end up leaving him in the end. Better to do it sooner rather than later. I think you know that it's not going to work out.

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A female reader, jessica04 United States +, writes (1 April 2009):

jessica04 agony auntYou saw his true colors, and it was a huge turn off. What you also need to understand is that losing the feelings you had for him is your mind's way of protecting you from what sounds like a potential abuser.

The guy is bad news, trust your family, they often know best.

I think you were ok to give things another shot, but when you know the feelings just aren't there anymore, then there's no sense in dragging out the inevitable. Do both of you a favor and end the relationship. You need to find a nice guy, and he needs to find and anger management class.

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A female reader, chazx United Kingdom +, writes (1 April 2009):

chazx agony auntHun i think you are dragging things out and to make it easier on yourself and your partner end it for the good of the both of you.

You shouldnt stay in a relationship with no trust, no feeings etc.

please be careful.

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