A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old and female and attracted to both men and women. I am relatively happy with my life, with the exception of relationships. I find it impossible to maintain relationships because I have a complete fear of touch. I do not mean just sexual touch, I mean any form of touch, be it a hug from a friend, a handshake or anything. I do not know why I have it; I was completely normal about touch as a child, and I have never been abused or had a traumatic experience which would suddenly change that. However, at some point I started to dread any kind of intimacy.I have attempted to start four relationships and all of them have failed before the fifth date because I become frightened when the other person touches me, which makes me angry with them and then fearful to see them again in case they try to touch me. One guy held my hand and stroked my shoulder, and I had to fight the urge to yell out and run. I know they have done nothing wrong but I start to hate them.Although this fear also extends to platonic and civil touch, I think it is also partially connected to my fear of sex. The idea of someone seeing me naked, let alone engaging in a sexual act with me makes me feel disgusted and dirty, and angry with the imagined other person. Again, I have never had any kind of traumatic experience that would warrant this behaviour, nor have I been exposed to any ideological reasons to hate sex. I am not morally opposed to sex for pleasure, this feeling of disgust is solely personal.I want to be able to overcome this but I don't know how. Any attempts to just relax and see how I feel never end well, and it feels wrong to try dating other people for this purpose, as I feel I am just using them. Thank you for reading, any help or advice would be much appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, happy140  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 I really cannot help except with two suggestions 1} seek a therapist (if possible) and (2) type “fear of touch” in Google—I just did that and it was very enlightening. It may help you to understand it if you read about the whys people have of this fear. You are NOT alone with this fear.
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