A
male
age
,
*ohnnery
writes:I am in a monogamous gay relationship with my partner of 10 years. He is 50, I am 44. He works in an environment where all of his co-workers are male and one of them is a 20 year-old straight guy I'll call Jack. Although my partner hasn't admitted this to me, I believe he has a crush on Jack. He often comes home from work just raving about him, though I always pretend not to notice. He says that Jack's a great kid and an excellent worker and since I know my partner routinely finds skinny, straight, 20-something guys appealing, I am very suspicious of his true feelings for Jack.My problem is this: lately, when we have physical relations, I find myself fantasizing that my partner is fantasizing that I AM JACK and that he's making love to HIM, rather than to me.Can someone please explain why I might be doing this? I don't understand the dynamic at work here but I am very concerned about it because I find I am doing it every time we have relations. It's confusing to me as I can't for the life of me figure out why I need to be consumed by THIS fantasy. In all honesty, it seems rather twisted to me!Thanks very much for any insights that anyone would be so kind enough to share with me about this. I very much appreciate everyone's advice and/or suggestions.John
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female
reader, misscandy  +, writes (14 September 2007):
Hey, I dun have much experience on this but having done some psychology,this is how i see your behaviour. In some ways you are slightly jealous of this young skinny 20- year old jack with whom you assume ur partner could be attracted to.
On the other hand, you seem to trust your long-term partner very much. You want him to see you as young and attractive. Fantasizing about your partner with an attractive partner can be highly erotic and subconciously you could be rekindling the passion between you two. It might sound twisted to some but to me, I totally understand you. I can see that you're still connected with your partner.Sometimes its hard to understand why we behave in such way.
Why don't you talk to your partner about all this without seeming like you are suggesting a threesome.We all know that there are so many attractive people around yet we don't like our partners appreciating their beauty and charisma. You need to talk to him, and tell him what's in your mind, sure he will understand you and will help you out. :) take care
A
male
reader, dont_play_nice_ +, writes (14 September 2007):
Hey - as far as I can see maybe you feel insecure about this other guy - maybe you feel he has more to offer than you? If you have been with your partner for 10 years I'm sure theres no need to be worried. However, sexual fantasies are just fantasies - and anything that is fantasy is acceptable, however involving a third person in a relationship for real can cause problems. I don't know why you are doing this, human sexuality is a strange thing, but fantasising about your partner with someone else isn't twisted at all - many people are turned on by the thought of their partners with another person as they look on. If you love your boyfriend and he loves you, all seems fine. The fantasy should fizzle out soon enough and be replaced by another.
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