A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in my 30's and my husband thinks that I am the ice queen. He has told me numerous times that he thinks I need to be bolder in my sexuality.I finally told him that what really turns me on is fantasising about sleeping with another man (specifically one we know) while he (my husband) watches...and enjoys it.My husband is in no way shape or form a prude but now he thinks that I am having an affair.So am I totally weird for the fantasy or is he blowing it out of proportion.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (22 December 2010):
 So basically he feels you're an ice queen and aren't sexually outgoing enough, so you countered by telling him that what gets you hottest is the thought of sex with some other man you know? You can see how that sounds like you'd rather sleep with this other man than your husband. You can see how that would be a red flag, right? It doesn't mean you are having an affair, but the affair is your favorite fantasy and now your husband doesn't think you're an ice queen, just that you don't want HIM anymore.
A
male
reader, Jason Michael  +, writes (22 December 2010):
Eek. Well done on the honesty (I suppose), but methinks that maybe you went just a little far (read: 'way too far') with the description of the fantasy. Maybe he really regrets asking now. Look, we all fantasize; it be healthy. Feminists hate that men are 'possessive,' and maybe they have a point, but most men function on a caveman default setting (even though we live in the modern world). His pride (Ego) needs to know that you are HIS! Even though he knows that you really aren't: we are all autonomous and free. In marriage you give each other "freely" to the Other. But the evolved ape in him want to know that you are HIS mate. You went and trashed that. It was a mistake, and likely it is no more than a fantasy.Reassure him that it is actually him ALONE that you want. Reassure him that this is no more than a fantasy to be shared with him ALONE. And don't be so specific. You must know that from now on he is going to feel threatened by this Other chap. Poor man (and poor you). A silly mistake.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Dirtball hit the nail right there. Good advice def. I'll support that. Good luck miss.
...............................
A
female
reader, pancakes rule +, writes (22 December 2010):
 It's not weird to have this fantasy and I don't think that he should accuse you of having an affair, but I can understand him being jealous, especially if it's someone you know.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): Yeah, I think the problem was that you called it a specific person he knows. A hypothetical stranger or something would have been better.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 December 2010):
 The fantasy isn't uncommon, but usually the person who wants to watch is the one that brings it up. You have an exhibitionism fetish. Look for a middle ground. Instead of having sex with someone else, what if he "secretly" watches you masturbate?
You having a specific person in mind makes it too personal. These fantasies work best when the other person is anon in some way shape or form.
...............................
|
