A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with a guy a year and a half and I feel he is not as affectionate as he once was.At the beginning he used to send me cute messages poems, kiss me hold my hand open the door for me buy me flowers dinner sometimes . Now all has changed. Before if we text at night and he nodded off he would text me straight away when he woke around 4 am now he dosent even bother. He only says I love you after I say it I have to kiss him he never makes the first move. If i dont make the first move for sex we very well may not have it for months he moans he says he afraid of people in hotels hearing us and he is tired there is always something. I said one day you don't buy me flowers anymore and he turned it into a huge arguement. If we are out for dinner and he pays he throws it across my face for ages. I buy him little gifts and he just says oh thanks no kiss nothing :( If things go wrong he blames me. And the only time he is affectionate is when i am very down. I miss the old times when i felt so loved now i feel i am not good enough anymore. He dosent shave for our dates hes put up weight and he dosnet even dress up anymore. If i want to go on a night out now he says ya if you can pay for yourself making me feel i am a charity case when i DO pay my way alot of the time. Is it normal for a relationship to change like this ? I just feel very sad and upset when i think of what is was and what it is now :/ Please help !
View related questions:
flowers, I love you, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): Yes it is normal for a relationship to change like yours has. It means it has run its course. You don't mention if you live together.
You have to recognize there are some relationships that start out really good, but they reach an expiration-date. They were only meant to be short-term.
The way you describe the present state of your relationship, it has completely sputtered out. No affection, fights, no sex, and he seems unmoved by your romantic gestures. He doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Maybe it's time to go.
Seriously, you're really too young for your sex-life to come to almost nothing. Months you say??? What does it take for you to realize a guy doesn't want to be with you anymore?
You're trying to make it go back to when you first met.
That doesn't really happen in real-life. What we do in initial courtship tapers-off; but if what you have is working, it just evolves and gets better. It grows. If it comes to a lull, then declines. That's usually an indication that it's over. You both have to make an effort to save it. You can't do it alone.
He may not do all the sweet little things he used to do, but he shouldn't lose affection or sexual attraction.
That's usually a sign he isn't as into you, as you are into him.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 September 2014):
Hi there. I guess that after a year and a half, you are now getting into the next stage of the relationship, where you are into a kind of pattern now.
You still like/love each other, but the initial newness stage is wearing off.
It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart chat and get it all out in the open, once and for all.
Why not ask him to come over the next time you are seeing each other, and when he arrives, say to him - "I need to talk to you about something that's important to me."
And go from there.
And just tell him exactly how you feel, and encourage him to do the same about his feelings.
Talk about everything that bothers you and mention to him, that you feel as though you are being taken from granted, and it makes you very unhappy.
And ask him - "Are you happy?"
And then at some point, ask him does he still want to be in this relationship?
And stay calm, and be respectful.
Good, clear, respectful communication is really important when it comes to relationships.
And it's the only way to find out where you are both at.
You both need to be on the same page, otherwise you are wasting your time.
And you BOTH need to be happy.
It's no good if one is content, but the other one isn't.
It actually sounds like he isn't very happy either.
You have said he doesn't bother shaving when you are going out together, nor does he dress up at all.
It's like he doesn't give a damn, wouldn't you say?
All the more reason to talk about it.
And also talk about finances, when it comes to who pays - or taking it in turns - or paying halves.
You need to work something out, otherwise he is just going to keep on complaining about it.
And are you both working at the moment?
Because if one of you isn't, well then that changes things in regards to who pays.
And this needs to be worked out also.
Perhaps when it comes to going out together, you could pick places or activities that don't cost anything.
For instance, a picnic in a park; a walk in a nice park; walking along the beach; in summer, swimming at the beach.
There are lots of things you could do, that don't require any payment to be made.
But just have that chat, and don't delay it.
Your fear could be that you are afraid he might just end it.
But wouldn't it be better - if that happens - than going on putting up with how you feel now?
It would then give you the opportunity to meet someone else, who WOULD make you happy.
Don't be afraid to do this, it will get a few things straight and so you will at least know the way forward from here.
It's an important step. Don't wait another day.
...............................
|
