A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just wanted to see what everyones thoughts are on my situation...My boyfriend got violent with me a few weeks ago, he didn't hit me, just pushed me and stuff. I had him arrested that night and have not had him back to the house since then. We also have a child together, so we have been in contact with regards to the baby. Anyway we have decided that we are going to work on our relationship, I am still pressing charges as I don't want him to get away with it. He has agreed to take anger management classes and promised not to do anything to me ever again and I believe him as he has never been violent before now and we've been together more than 2 years. And he had been drinking that night.My family have threatened to disown me if I take him back, what should I do?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 April 2010):
Your family are giving you the clearest warning possible that this is a man who will fail you and hurt you again. And I will back them. They're right. A million women just like you think the same thing. And then two a week in Britain are murdered by abusive partners. Stop making excuses for his violent behaviour, because he will do it again at some point, and maybe to your child as well. You do not want that to happen, because social services in the UK are getting tougher since Baby P as killed. If they think that you or your child are unsafe, then you will lose your child. Either that, or you'll end up a battered girlfriend and your child will grow up seeing this. He will do it again. A promise means nothing from a guy like this. Don't be foolish, and think of your safety and the safety of your child instead of him.
A
female
reader, It's all be okay +, writes (26 April 2010):
I doubt your family will disown you - they are saying this to let you know how seriously they feel about what he has done.
Technically he has committed an assault, and it is not for you to press charges, but it is the Crown Prosecution Service who press charges - he is not allowed to assault you.
It sounds like a good idea to work on the relationship and what happened, particularly as you have a child together and the fact that this is the first time he has ever done this.
You have had the good sense to report it on the first instance and not to have him in the house. He knows therefore that it is not something that he can "get away with".
I would suggest that you keep him out of the house for a good period, say at least 3 months.
Also if you think that alcohol was a major cause of this, perhaps you can ask him to stop drinking, or at least, to stop drinking more than say one pint of beer in a night, for that 3 months, to prove how committed he is to ensuring that he never resorts to violence ever again.
And then maybe if he does that, you could give him one more chance. But only one!!!!
If you explain your approach to your family and ask for their support, I can't imagine that they won't give it to you.
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