A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 yrs and have 2 children with him. We recently split as my family don't like him and make it difficult, he isn't perfect but he is not all bad. I want to give us another go and so does he but my family have given me a choice..... him or them. I love him with all my heart and I don't feel it is their place to give me that choice, what should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2011):
OP, with the greatest of respect, if your family are that against the father of your children, something is very, very wrong and you need to listen to what they have to say.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Actually it is their place and they're not making you choose they're telling you the consequences of your choice.You're going to choose him, even though your family has said they don't want to know you anymore if you do.OP you may be willing to put up with all the crap that having him in your life brings but they don't have to and they're not going to, now you know, the choice is yours.You see you say "he's not all bad" Which means he must be bad in some way, which means the bad things he is or has done are bad enough for your family to want nothing more to do with him. To the degree that they don't even want to know him through you. It is perfectly reasonable for them to want to cut him out of their lives including cutting you off if you want to keep seeing him. OP the worst thing for any friend or family member is to watch you go through hell at the hands of another but still go back over and over. It's exceptionally draining and painful and honestly it's a little selfish for you to expect people to stick around while you do that. I had a friend recently that was in a similar situation. She was on and off with an absolute bastard of a man. He was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive (I'm not implying your guy is any of those), now no matter how many times he went off and left her she always took him back. So I walked away from the friendship to let her deal with it because frankly I'd had enough of being dragged down into her constant depression and self harm. It had gotten to the point where I wasn't sleeping or eating with the worry. Now I told her the story and I told I had to take a step back and let her deal with this. It wasn't a choice OP, I didn't make her choose anything. I just told her while he was in her life I wasn't going to be. If she needed something or it was an emergency then I#d help but she could no longer rely on me to pick up the pieces he left behind because it was her choice to put herself back in that situation. Even though she new how badly seeing her like this was effecting me she chose to keep going, so I had to make the choice of walking away and I did. It's funny OP because she said the exact same thing you did. "He's not perfect but he's not all bad. I love him so much, I need him. Nobody understands, he's not really a bad guy, he's just had a bad childhood, he has a temper but his heart is good" blah blah blah.OP go be with your guy, but don't expect your family to sit back and suffer pain because you decide to keep getting into a relationship that not only hurts you but the others around you. You're not the only one that has to deal with the issues that being with him represent, well they've made a choice you're not going to and that's to stay away from him and if that means staying away from you too then that's your problem not theirs. It's selfish to expect them to stick around while you crush them with your heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): It is very difficult going through life when your partner and your family don't like each other. You have to take a step back and see what they see in him. Life has many challenges and as you get older you want more people working with you than against you.
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