A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My family doesn't love me. My parents don't care if I sink or swim. They love my younger sister more and don't tell that it isn't true. I know because I've lived with this for years. I have some determination but when I see that they careless what happens to me I feel worthless. I don't have any friends. My own family doesn't love me. What should I do. That's all I really need help with. Can someone please tell me or give me a suggestion. What should I do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): I'm not going to tell you that the way you are feeling is incorrect, or that it is not true that your family does not love you. I don't know the situation, so I won't make judgements on that. Besides, it is hardly the point, is it? You feel unloved by your family, so that is very real. That is true for you.
I am very sorry you feel this way. I have felt unloved by my family before, and it is...an awful feeling. So I am sorry you are experiencing this. Have you felt like this for a long time, or is it more recent? Has something happened or changed which may have triggered these feelings?
You mention that you have a younger sister, and that your parents love her. I have a younger sister too, and sometimes I feel like she is loved, but not me. Sometimes, I think parents can unintentionally and without realising it give more attention to the younger child than the older one. Maybe younger children are seen as the "baby" of the family, and the older child is seen as the grown up one. But no matter how old you are, we all still need that love from our parents. That doesn't change. It may be that they just don't realise what they are doing, and how you are feeling. Perhaps they think you are fine, and don't need as much attention and affection from them.
It must be a really lonely experience for you, if you also have no friends to talk to. Do you think you could try talking to your family, and tell them how you feel? Or if that is a bit too much, maybe you could suggest doing something together, like going somewhere, or doing some activity. That will enable you to spend some time together as a family, and hopefully might make you feel more included and accepted. Or you could approach one person, like your mom, and ask if you could do something together, just the two of you.
If you are a busy family, maybe you could try and arrange a certain time when you could sit and chat to one of your parents, or go for a walk together, even if it is just for half an hour a week.
I know it might not be easy, but sometimes I find it can help to approach someone and ask them things about themselves. Like what they have been up to, how they are feeling, things like that. It can be hard to do that, when you feel unloved and neglected by them, because you wish THEY would take an interest in YOU. But it can get the ball rolling, so to speak, as most people like talking about themselves! The conversation might progress from there, and they might even try and initiate conversations with you more.
I don't know if any of these suggestions seem helpful to you or not. Like I said before, I am not trying to disagree with what you say about your family not loving you. That must be a very real feeling for you. I hope something here, or something another aunt says, helps you in some way. You are not alone, you can always talk to us here. Take care. xxx
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Ok,let's skip the part in which I say that this may be your personal perception of reality rather than actual reality, that most probably your parents do love you just they don't show it in the way you want to be shown love and that even if they have a slight preference for your sister,guess what,it sucks but it's not unusual,in most families there is a favourite child.
Let's pretend I have not just said that and let's tackle this from a very different angle :
Parents are not everything in life. You are young and inevitably a lot of people is gonna enter in your life that can impact it much more than your parents. - Friends,lovers,husbands,sons,daughters,teachers,employers,spiritual guides, and even pets. Anything really.
Your parents and their approval loom so large in your life now because you are young and your world is small. Time may very possibly change all that. You may end up living thousands of miles from them ( as it happened to me ) and ending up with actually cherishing the little time you can spend together. They may become old ,frail and sick and you'll find yourself feeling protective toward them rather than hostile. You may find success and gratification in other areas of your life so you won't really give a damn about your parent's approval. I could go on and on- to sum up, don't get stuck on this. Things change, feelings change,wants and needs change.
And please start resisting the temptation to blame your parents for what you dislike in your life. Take responsibility for your life. Make it your own job to give yourself a good life-regardless of what your parents did or do. Suppose they are really horrible people. So ? I personally know people who had drug addicts and criminals for parents, and went on to have happy, fulfilled lives.
Don't listen to Freud :)- it's not all about parents after all.
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