A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a teacher by profession. I met a guy through facebook. he is 28 and a MBA. He has a good job. We started chatting and after 6 months we met each other and realised we love each other. We both live in India we belong to the same religion and community in India. when i told my parents about him they were very furious as they didn't expected me to indulge in such things. they consider these relationships bad and want me to marry a boy of their choice. They said he doesn't have his own house in this city. His parents live in a small town. They want me to marry a boy who lives with his parents. They said he will cheat on you and has duped me. They said if you want to get married then we will break all ties with you.I chose my parents over love but i still love him. i dont talk to him now but he said he will wait for me. what should i do?????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 Alas, arranged marriages are not a thing of the past in India, seeing that about 80% or more of all marriages are still arranged ( which, does not mean forced, often the future bride or groom are fine with following the tradition ). Things are changing, but slowly.
I must say though that you are in so much better position than most Indian women to be PART of this change. You are educated, you have a profession- and an income.
Only you can assess if your parents' threat to disown you is an empty threat or if they'd actually do it - and for how long. And only you know how and if you would handle it.
Yet, it is important that you stop and think what do you want. Not only as your partner. But as your choice of lifestyle. Do you want to live in a traditional multifamily Indian household ? Or would you prefer to have your own independent home and be free to take the decisions about your future and kids and money only consulting your husband and nobody else ?
You are young, and hopefully you have many many years in front of you. Maybe too many to live them according what makes other people happy, but not yourself....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): If you love him and trust him and he is a good man who will and can take care of you and your future family, then go for him. Arranged marriages are a thing of past in India, one can see arranged marriages failing everywhere but seldom do self anointed ones fail because when there is trouble between arranged couples there is some third person like the parents who come in and try to resolve disputes this often results in further divide,but with those who chose each other there is never a third person who can come in and solve your issues, its up to the two to resolve with possible help from couples counseling. This added responsibility of your own life and destiny makes a pair better and greater, its a more fulfilling life don't miss it.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 January 2013):
 I can see that you want to be respectful towards your parents. Yet your parents do not understand that India is changing. As more people become better educated and start seeing cracks appearing in the way things are versus how they could be there are some questions being asked.
You are not some love sick mid teen with a major crush. You are an adult woman. with a good education. You should be able to make your own way in life. And choose your own husband.
You guy must have been truly hurt that you chose your parents over him. And yet he still loves you and he still wants to wait for you.
But I know the culture in India makes the marriage you are contemplating more difficult. And the Bride price can cause problems. Yet in the West parents would be delighted with your choice.
It is really cruel of a parent to threaten to break all contact over and issue like this.
Your guy sounds like he really loves you.
If you chose to seek out work overseas and he did the same (to the same country and city) then the two of you could happily start dating and openly enjoy each other's company with a view to marriage. And if all goes well you could marry there.
Go for a country where teachers are very well paid (forget the US) and where he could also use his MBA skills. There will be no Bride price paid but I think this will not concern your guy at all.
Once your parents hold their first grandchild their hearts will melt.
even if you settle and marry in another country you can always return to India or even choose to relocate to another country. The world is changing. Your parents may not accept this. But your generation knows that change is afoot in Indian society.
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