A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My question is the type usually asked by females, who are generally more unsecure about their bodies.Looking on the internet, it seems from the blogs discussing the male body part that females find attractive, it seems that the great majority of females look at the face, and on that they decide if the guy is hot. I have many times been told that my face is handsome, cute etc., and have/had many chances to date girls quite easily. However... my body has plenty of fat, flab and in my opinion quite unattractive. This is why I have been holding back on going out with girls. I am worried that once undressed she would be put off. Is this the case or do they not mind because they already like you?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): OP again.....and just to prove how visual girls are, it was those that didn't want to know me before my initial weight loss, who were chasing after. Ok, maybe I had more confidence after, but I have always have confidence and a good personality.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): OP here. Thanks Ms Sady. You seem to be spot on and it is what I suspected that once a girl really wants you, she will accept as is(and also probably initially do things for you to please you).
My flabiness comes from the roller coaster of being very obese, then losing lots of weight and then putting some on again. When I lost all that weight I suddenly have become a bit of a chic magnet due apparently to a face change, which has stayed even when I put on again, even though when I was initially very fat, they did not want to know me..
Yes, I was thinking to hard on it
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A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 I disagree with anyone who says women aren't as visual as men. The thing is, though, that every woman likes something different. There are plenty of women who like guys who are a little squishy.
You won't know until you approach them. If a woman responds positively to you as you pursue her, then you know that she accepts you for who you are and your body for what it is. If a woman doesn't respond so positively, then it could be your body or a number of other reasons that she isn't interested. Don't think too hard on it.
Hopefully you're hitting the gym and eating right nowadays if this is truly affecting your confidence?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): Depends on the person. I simply don't care for thin guys. I don't want to be with anyone morbidly obese or unhealthy but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've had crushes on guys in the past who were chunky because these particular guys happened to have great personalities.
Everyone should strive to get healthy. At least develop stamina so that you can accompany your girlfriends on walks and hikes and well, other stuff :) with not a lot of effort.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 August 2013):
 There are things you can't fix and things you can. If you are happy with your body, great, if a girl doesn't like you for you she's not right anyways.
But if you're not happy, and it sounds like you're not, why don't you change it?
Like someone else says you can't be attractive until you're confident in yourself. Which either means accepting your body or working on it.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (1 August 2013):
Beauty is in the eye of holder....I think that is the saying. Or something close to it! Don't decide what a girl does and doesn't like about you. You have to give her a chance.
I work out and I enjoy life. It is more important for your body and mind to be healthy for you. Your health is going to be important to any partner involved. When you are happy with yourself, so will everyone else.
Good Luck and go get HER!
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A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Ask yourself would you be put off by a woman with a flabby body? Even if she has a beautiful face? Just to be clear, I'm not asking whether or not you would date a woman like that. I'm asking would you be as attracted to her as a woman who is thin? Would you be tempted to look at women with more fit bodies? If so, then it's probably a safe bet some women will be put off by your flab, and be more attracted to other guys. So while some would still date you, they probably wouldn't be as attracted to you as they would be if you were in good shape. Men and women are attracted to health. Of course there are exceptions to this, but the majority will find fit bodies more attractive. If you're okay with that, then all is well. You're right when you say women tend to be more insecure about their bodies. Most of us want to be the most attractive in our partner's eyes.
Now if you're REALLY overweight, and not just talking about a little but of flab then you should probably lose weight regardless of what women think of your body. Do it for health reasons.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): Eyeswide open "women like men who treat them with respect". This may be true later in the relationship". To choose a guy to go out with, they primarily go for looks(mainly face). Then personality, then confidence. Just look around who is successful picking up girls..
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Absolutely just start taking care of your body and the rest will take care of your future. Women like men who treat them with respect. Period. A woman who only considers men with washboard stomachs isn't worth your precious time on this earth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): You build your self-confidence by getting a good workout.
You can start by taking brisk walks to burn extra calories. You need to watch your diet.
Flab is unhealthy, never-mind what girls like or dislike. You're pretty young, and should be taking care of yourself. Joining a gym is no longer expensive; and if you want to look "healthy," girls will find that quite attractive. You don't need a chiseled body, just some toning and core work.
Sitting around and "feeling sorry" about it is wasting time.
It requires no effort or energy.
You have to do something about it. What a lot of people end up doing, is lowering their standards to be accepted by someone they really don't want. Just to get avoid the work.
It's not the superficial aspects you should be concerned with, it's your general health. It's a win win situation.
You feel better, you look better, boost your self-esteem, and wind up a healthier person. The bonus, you'll attract women.
The healthier you are, the more active you'll be. It's also good for the libido. You'll also broaden your options; but you should avoid superficial types. Who just like what they see, and not who you are.
Even before you really see the results of a workout, the confidence of knowing you're working on it will do wonders for your self-esteem.
I've said this too many times, but never enough. Work on your self-esteem for your own benefit, not for the benefit of others. When you love yourself, you are more attractive to other people. It's a great side-effect.
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (1 August 2013):
Most girls look at personality and face more than body, others look at body more than face. Depends on the girl. I personally like a good built guy but if hes a bit flabby i couldn't care less as long as hes big and can protect me :) I like a cute face and an incredible personality. Most girls dont mind a little flab, we all have it. Go to the gym man, guys lose weight way easier than girls!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): Women aren't as visual, a few are but not many. I don't mind about what you've described. Don't worry.
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