A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so in December my co worker introduced me to a guy that she used to date a while ago. we hung out on a few dates but one night he invited me over his house and we ended up f***ing. he told me that he wasn't ready nor had time for a relationship and he just wanted to be f*** buddies. I didn't have a problem with it so we kept it going for a couple months. it would kind of confuse me when he would cuddle with me and fall asleep on me afterward though. I started getting tired of just being f*** buddies after a while and I wanted an actual relationship so every time he would ask me to come over I would come up with an excuse to not see him or completely ignore him. I would try and tell him that I was going through some personal drama and I needed time to myself and he would tell me if I needed anyone to talk to I could talk to him. after months of not seeing him he told me that he guessed I didn't wasn't interested in him anymore since I didn't c him in months and that he wouldn't talk to me again. I said OK and thank you for understanding and he said thank you for playing me. I told him how did I play you when were not in a relationship and he told me that I shoudnt b ignoring him. I said I'm sorry and left it at that. I started getting deprived so I called him up and we started f***ing again. it would be the same routine he would cuddle with me after fall asleep on me and all that but then he asked me if I was f***ing anybody else he would tell me about his past relationships how he's a good guy in a relationship and if I was only into white guys(im black he's white :)) he also told me more about himself like his interests what he wants to do with his life sh*t like that. I just confronted him about it not too long ago told him how I thought he was giving me mixed signals but he still said he wanted to just be f*** buddies and he asked me if I was starting to get feelings for him. I said a little bit since he started to open up to me and sh*t. and just recently he was hanging out with me my friend and her boyfriend. me n my friend were getting pretty drunk and me and him ended having sex. afterward he had asked me if that was just sex because apparently i had given him "weird looks". i told him yes what else would it be? I just want to know if he really wants to just be f*** buddies or if he wants more. help please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2011): thank u guys so much didnt realize what i was doing just dont want to get my feelings hurt i really appreciate it :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): "he still said he wanted to just be f*** buddies"Well, what more can be said?Honesty is the best policy in relationships. You want more, he's not into that, and he's told you what you want.Are you trying to make something happen that he's not going to let happen?"and he said thank you for playing me"He's an asshole for saying that after being real clear about what he wanted. He doesn't own you, you don't have to have sex with him at his leisure and be at his beck and call.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (1 July 2011):
i would just come right out with him and ask him life is to short to mess about
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): Why don't you stop playing games and tell him what you want.
No offence OP, but he's being quite clear about everything and you're the one playing games. You develop feelings for him so you cut him off and ignore him without telling him why? How is that supposed to work?
OP you know you have feelings for him but when he asks you say "a bit". You need to stop playing these games, waiting and hoping to find out stuff when you won't even be open and honest with him. How is he supposed to know what you're thinking if you won't tell him?
He may have feelings for you but he's not going to open up to you because ditched him before with no explanation, just kept blowing him off with lame excuses. So I disagree with Cindy when she said he'd tell you. I don't think he would OP not without you saying something about it first because you're too big a risk. You already ditched him sure and again I don't mean to be insulting but cutting and running instead of talking to him about it was not the most mature of things to do. He could well have feelings for you and may well have wanted a relationship but you just ran instead and there is no way he's going to open up to you now and risk you running off again if he does like you.
Stop playing games!!! Life is not that hard, we guys aren't an enigma, if you talk to us we'll usually tell you exactly how we feel, but you're being so flaky OP, you'd rather sit there and look out for signs and if you read them wrong you run.
What is the worst that can happen by telling him how you feel? Nothing bad can happen OP. If he says he doesn't feel that way then you tell him no more fuck buddies because you like him too much. If he says he feels the same way then score. OP being open and honest isn't just an expression, it really works, try that instead of this mind games bullshit you're playing.
In fact you should have told him the minute you started wanting more. This pain and confusion you're feeling now is all your own fault and you could have prevented it if you just did something about it instead of waiting and running off.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 July 2011):
 If he 'd want more, he'd tell you . He told you twice that he only wants a f**k buddy, and just to be on the safe side assume it's true .
You get confused by the cuddles but they in the context means nothing. Just that your lover is a physically demonstrative type who has an affectionate lovemaking style. Nice, but noot particularly meaningful of anything.
Ditto for the convos. And why not, you are human beings, not animals, it's normal you have some form of communication with the man you are having sex with. After all, the name of this arrangement is f**k BUDDY, not f**k-I-hate-you or f**k -I-won't talk to you.
It saddens and surprises me how many girls feel just like you, that's strange being treated nice and with warmth by the guy you are going to bed with- meaning they are used to , or ready to, accept even less than that, which is sort of the bare minimum .
What would mean something, it would be something he actually DOES. Asking you out on a real date, spending plenty of time with you out of bed, introducing you to friends and family, letting go of any other girls he may have ....
It's also true, though, that you have not been sincere with him, why do you have to lie about your feelings ?
If you are going to be his f**k buddy regardless, might as well tell him you'd want more. So he can say yes ( improbable ) or he can say no, but at least everybody knows where they stand.
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