A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just been out on a 2nd date with a girl I'm interested in. We met online so this was literally the second time we've met. Much like the first date conversation was free and easy. We laughed and joked a lot and seemed to be enjoying each others company. Unfortunately the night ended the same as the first - A brief hug. Not an awkward hug, but a brief "I'll see you soon" type of hug. Should I be concerned that I haven't kissed her yet? I know that in the greater scheme of things this is very early days, I'm just worried that if I don't make a move soon she's going to get bored of me.The opportunity just doesn't seem to be presenting itself. Like tonight when I greeted her she was putting her phone back in her bag and we casually strolled into the venue, not even a hug (that may have been my fault, I accept that). Then as the night wore on we were clearly having a good time together, but there wasn't really a spark. She doesn't seem to be flirting with me or even showing signs that she wants to hold hands. During the date I apologised for not tell her earlier how lovely she looked this evening and she seemed flattered and very pleased to be complimented, but I didn't get anything in return for it.I'm so confused. There seems to be an attraction and we obviously like each other on some level, I'm just not sure she's romantically interested. That said, she has already said that she'd like to meet up again sometime soon and it's seems completely legitimate, so am I worrying too much? Is she just wanting to take it slowly? Am I completely missing her signals? What's going on? Any advice you can give is a big help, because I'm really starting to put doubts on myself and that's never a good thing! Please help!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 July 2011):
Hello again. Like someone else said here, she probably does find it very refreshing that a man doesn't want to jump straight into bed with her, without getting to know each other first.
It tells her very clearly, that you like and respect her. Those two things are really important.
Just gauge it from now on.
Don't try to force things or get her into a situation where you could kiss her, because it could look very contrived - false, in other words. She might start to NOT trust you, and you don't want that.
Believe me, she won't get bored with you. That's a fallacy.
Concentrate more on getting to know her better and focus on how much you have in common with each other - likes, dislikes, movies, books, music, her work, lifestyles, friends, family life, sense of humour. Look for her caring side and signs that she is a kind and generous person. These things are the important parts of a relationship and they form the glue in what will in time, "emotionally" make you feel connected.
And it's the feeling of being emotionally connected, that is what really keeps two people together, and wanting to go on being with each other.
It's never the sex that is the basis of a good relationship. Yes, when you are emotionally involved with each, the making love, is a way of showing how much you care, in a physical way. It's an important part, but not the most important part.
It's a very small part of the big picture.
Just supposing you had great sex with each other, but outside of that you didn't have a clue what to say to each other. Or, that you just didn't get along with each other at all! And it happens. Well what would happen then is, while the sex was good, great, fantastic or whatever, eventually and inevitably, it will burn itself out. Then that's the end of it. Timeframe is probably something like a couple of weeks or maybe three weeks at the most.
Sex on it's own will not keep a relationship going, if that's the only good part about it. A relationship needs much more than sex to sustain it for any length of time and especially, with a view to a possible future together.
Please keep these things in mind.
There is no need to push things towards kissing and making love too soon. And to do so, could end it before it even has a time to truly flourish.
Believe me, you will know when the time is right.
And like someone also here said, try one day on greeting and at the end of the night - perhaps on your next date - just a little peck on her cheek, is definitely a very good start. It's being friendly and respectful.
Don't try to do more than that at the time, if she doesn't show signs of wanting to kiss you on the mouth.
And don't take it as a rejection either, because it isn't one.
You will know when you can kiss her on the mouth. You'll just know. Trust me you will - instinctively.
However, let her be the instigator. Otherwise you might be forcing the issue, when she's not quite ready.
Just see how things develop over time.
The main thing is to get to know her, and to be genuinely interested in her and in her life. Those things really mean a lot.
Don't push for more at the moment. Let things unfold of their own accord. You'll be glad you did.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks, I think I understand what you're saying. I guess I'm just a little worried about missing the boat. I don't want her to think I'm boring or not interested, because she's a very nice girl, I really enjoy her company and I'd like to spend more time with her. I would hate to miss out on the chance of a relationship because I hesitated, but like I say the opportunity hasn't arisen yet. Should I create a situation that will allow me the chance to kiss her for the first time? And if so, how do I create one? Or do you think I should I just be patient and wait for her signals to become a little more clear cut? What do you think?
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A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (1 July 2011):
i wouldnt worry too much it is very early days yet it sounds to me she is wanting to take it slow maybe if you,s are walking together put your arm around her shoulders see how she reactsGood luck
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A
male
reader, Flashtony +, writes (1 July 2011):
The fact that this is a slow burn is good, you'll like each other more than if you just jump into bed.... that said, first date, peck/hug, second date, kissing... if that goes well, third date a little more passion... take the lead. when you next meet, straight away....'I really like you, you look great, may I kiss you?' Then move in, hold her face in your hands and kiss her gently. It works, if she flinches, says no or turns her face.... you're just a friend.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (1 July 2011):
Hi there. It's highly likely that she is taking it slowly at the moment.
It's a good idea, because then neither of you gets hurt.
You don't want to rush into the physical side of things too soon, as sometimes it can all get out of hand and the emotions are involved, and all sorts of problems can occur.
So my advice to you is to take it slowly also, and don't be in any rush for it to be a girlfriend and boyfriend situation too soon. There's plenty of time for that.
In the meantime though, just enjoy her company and try to have fun as much as possible.
For now, don't expect too much. Live life one day at a time.
Over several weeks, things will develop naturally on their own. There's no rush. It does take some time.
Don't have expectations, then you won't be disappointed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): How refreshing to hear about an internet date that hasn't ended in sex on the first meeting!Maybe thats the type of problem she's had before - men trying it on within a few hours? Could be she's being cautious, enjoying getting to know you.Lets face it if neither of you liked the other there wouldn't have been a 2nd date.Now you've had 2 dates, see how it goes, its very early yet. Maybe a peck on the cheek next time you meet and one when you leave - if you want to test the reaction? Watch her body language too - ime sure you know how to read that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2011): dont be confused.. the only way to find out if yalls relationship is ever gunna be more than good friends is u gotta kiss her.. do it soon the next time you see her.. kiss her whenever the dates over and if theres spark.. youll know that is gunna work(:
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