A
male
age
41-50,
*illem
writes:Okay - my ex broke up with me. We've got a little boy that i love dearly. She moved about 400 k\m away from me. I pay maintenance, but she doesn't want me to see him.Now the thing is if I take her to court, my son might get the feeling that I want to hurt his mom on purpose.What would you have done?
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male
reader, JPK34359  +, writes (9 July 2007):
You are his father. Do whatever you have to to continue to be a part of your son's life, no matter if it means moving heaven and earth. Your son has a right to enjoy his heritage.
A
male
reader, willem +, writes (7 June 2007):
willem is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanx 4 the advice so far, it does help. BUT heres the latest ,weve been apart 4 a couple of weeks now and out of the blue she phoned me 2day bcause she wants 2 come visit. i do love my boy and always will ,but do i allow her back into my life just to b with him, cause i know whats the reason she wants to come "visit". i had time 2 think these last couple of weeks and i meen ,she left her job and me in a flash 2 go 2 her mom and why must i take her back. this wasn't the first time she did this and i dont know if im doing the right thing but i also dont wanna go throw the same spiral again ................ some advice please
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hi there Willem,I'm wondering why she doesn't want you to see your child. But, you know, it really not up to her to make that sort of decision - it *is* up to the courts, though.I understand that you're hesitant to bring things that far, but you have a right to see your little boy and your little boy has a right to see you. Think about it this way - do you think your son would hate you for wanting to see him? I think that he would probably understand that you did this because you love him. Since he's so young, he may not understand it right away, but as he got older he would realize what happened and would probably see how much he really does mean to you. I think it would set up the foundation to create an even stronger bond for the both of you.You could also think about it this way. What if you didn't bring his mother to court? Would he grow up hearing about how his father was so terrible, that not only was he told by his mother that he wasn't allowed to see his son, but that he didn't *care* he was not allowed to see his son. Or worse, she could be telling your little boy that *you* were the one who said you didn't want to see him. Who knows what she's telling your child?Plus, if the two of you were able to get joint custody, then it's not like your son would feel like you're doing anything to hurt his mother. I think he would see that you just want to "share" time with him between the both of you.Listen, my sister-in-law and her boyfriend just got finished with a very similar situation that you are in. Her bf's son (he just turned 3) was in the hospital one week before the bf was supposed go to court for full custody of his son. While the son was in the hospital, the mother came in and kidnapped him from his room. She then took the little boy halfway across the country and hid. Eventually the police found this woman (the FBI was also involved) and arrested her. The little boy was given back to his father - all bruised and beaten. So to sum it all up, it was the best thing in the world that this little boy ended up with the father - that woman was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive to their son. Without the father, who knows what kind of person he would have grown up to be. It's only been a little over a week since they got him back, but let me tell you - he is one happy little tot! ^_^I'm not sure what the circumstances are in your situation, but maybe you can relate to what happened in my family. I'm sure that you only want the best for your little guy, right?Take her to court! It may be the best thing you can do for your son.Take care.
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A
male
reader, willem +, writes (31 May 2007):
willem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDid go to court today. This woman does not wanna reason.I can't believe how someone can change their stripes like she did. It's her mom that's the infleuance. And I mean, if you're 26 with a child, you can't run after your mom and move in by her just because you miss her. Can you believe that's the reason?And now shes looking in my eyes because shes got no money. I gave her all she needed when she was with me.Thanks for the advice so far. It helps if you know there are people that can tell you that you're not doing the wrong thing.Thanks
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (30 May 2007):
 I should think that your son wouldn't think that you're trying to hurt his Mum but trying to see him becoz you miss him which is the case.
You have a right to see your son so do everything you can to see him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 May 2007):
 I have no way of knowing what's she's feeling just because I'm a female. Sounds like she is really mad at you and is punishing you in the only way she can. Why did you break up?
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A
male
reader, willem +, writes (30 May 2007):
willem is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncome ladies i wanna know whats the feeling from the opp.
sex, cause thats most probely what shes feeling ...... i don't know?
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A
male
reader, willem +, writes (30 May 2007):
willem is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes yes i know its the right thing 2 do ,but he still very young (not even 2)and she went back 2 her mom and they can have such a bad invluance on him till hes old enough to see the truth 4 himself................. i,ll rather not talk 2 him 4 know ,than 4 him 2 hate me ...................... or i really dont know
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (30 May 2007):
 He's your son, and until you prove that you're incapable of being a parent, you have legal right to see him. If she keeps him away, she can and will be punished for kidnapping and harboring a minor, regardless of the fact that it's hers.
DV1
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 May 2007):
Take her to court, you can explain it all to your son when he's able to understand. You have right to see your son.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2007): From my child-hood i always remember going through my prents divorce not understanding. Then as i got older my mother would explain what had happened. To hear my father would not go to court to fight for me as his child was heartbraking, so i would urge you not to act as my father did.
As long as you keep any grudges against your ex' to yourself and not infront of your son, as well as explaining to him as he gets older that you have his best interests at heart i am sure he will understand :]
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