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female
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*onfused1984
writes: I need help. Fisrt I'll give you the run down of the situation. I cheated on my ex-boyfriend *Colin (* = not real name) so he obviuously broke up with me. I was very regretful and begged and begged for him to take me back but he refused. So one day I was at college crying and this guy *Brian came over and spoke to me and asked me to come out with him, eventually we started dating, but then a month later, My ex *Colin tells me he still loves me and wants to try again. Now I'm awfully confused becuase on one hand people are telling me 'once the trust is gone, the relationship will be crappy' but the thing is I still love him. I was also just beginning to like *Brian. What happens if I go back to *Colin and lose *Brian forever and then *Colin and I don't end up working out, if it does turn bad. Then I'll risk losing both of them. So it's either keep dating *Brian and lose the one I love (*Colin), or go back to *Colin and lose the chance to be with a possible fresh start ??? What should I do, please help me! I hate this feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): Remember, some boyfriend 'compasses' need to be recalibrated from time to time so figure out what your relationship needs are, in the here and now. What worked for you when you were with Colin, before, may not work for you now. You may have a new set of emotional needs, now. Part of growth & understanding about your needs, is opening yourself up to accepting a new kind of guy. Remember, if you've had a long-term relationship with Colin, you've emotionally invested your heart into him. But Brian could offer more to you over the long term, if given the chance. So it's really important to step back from both of them and think about choosing the guy who values continuity and the one who really believes that a loving, committed relationships are important to them. They are more likely to be emotionally available and cherish you, over the long-term...that will make you the happiest. You have to take a open, mature, honest look at their sense of values and their good character. Just pick the one that's right for 'you'. Good luck and take care.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (21 November 2005):
 Maybe we should just be friends with both of them before you make up your mind, give your self time to think about what you want. Maybe even start off new and try being single for a little while, you need to make up your mind and commit to it.
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A
female
reader, kim21 +, writes (21 November 2005):
it just doesnt work second time around there will be no trust he will end up using it against you in arguements and drag it up whenever possible make a fresh start you have plenty of time for love you will find someone else maybe brian maybe not there is always someone else dont back track by trying to relive the past it just wont work move forward with your life trust me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): if you are worried about missing a new person you more than likely will leave your ex once the person comes along. that is not fair to him, and deffines you as a user of people. look for the other person while you are single.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): With every yes that you say in life, you must say no to something else. We make these decisions everyday in life, but don't always think of what might have happened if we had said "yes" or "no". I think you must trust yourself to make a decision, but you must be stedfast once you have decided. Make the decision and commit yourself to it. No wondering "what might have been". Like the song says, "It will drive you out of your mind." :)
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