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female
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anonymous
writes: I am married for two years now and love my husband dearly. I have always been faithful to him and never thought of cheating or being with someone else. Last December I met his buddy, whom he has known since high school. He is an attractive guy and very successful. When I met him, within a month he started giving me attention ...like if we were in a room full of people he would ask me how I was doing or complement me on my dress etc.. Even my friends noticed that he was flirting with me. Now, just to tell you, he has a girlfriend who he has been dating seriously for several years. I was not sure whether I was getting mixed signals from him, so I just decided to put it before him. He said he never intentionally flirted with me, yet I can swear to the contrary.I still talk to him, almost every day and I still feel a strong chemistry between us. I am not sure if I should take it any further or see where it goes. It is a year now and I really want to do something about it. Since he obviously will not make any move, I am wondering if there is something I should do? I want to say that I am not looking for him to break up with his gf, or for me to leave my husband, but just see if we could be something more than friends. What is your advice on this?
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (20 November 2005):
 This man probably did flirt with you,probably found u attractive but he was passing the time away.You spoked to him about it and it didnt mount to anything.He has a girlfriend anyway.I think that even though you love your husband and im not doubting that,i think your sexually bored with him and this other guy came along and got you all excited again,thats not a crime.The problem then,lies with your husband.Try and put the spark back in to the marriage again.Look at some sex manuals together,or raunchy videos to get you in the mood for lovemaking.Get your hubby to take you out and spoil you again when you first dated.Tell him that you feel neglected and need more fun with him.Dont worry,we all go through phases where we get attracted to other people,thats human nature,whether your married or not,i hardly call it serious enough to get a divorce,otherwise everyone would be single in that case!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): flirting in and of itself is an ego high for all involved. flirting does not always mean "sex", but a natural human tendency.
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A
female
reader, iggyzap +, writes (20 November 2005):
i agree. if you want to be with your husband than be with him if not get a divorce and go you seperate ways. if one persons not happy then it makes no sense to make each other miserable. if you are lacking something in your marriage than you need to talk about it if not than you married the wrong person and you need to end it before more emotions get involved. but it sounds to me like you are someone who likes attention and takes whatever kind you can get (good or bad) and im not downing you because i used to be the same way and i had a marriage fail because of it, but if you want to make the marriage work you need to communicate about what you want and see if you can work together on it. thats what marriage is all about.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 November 2005):
 Let's recap a bit: you say you'd never dream of cheating on your husband. His buddy pays you compliments but says he wasn't intentionally flirting. The buddy has a girlfriend he's been with all this time, and after a year of contact, nothing has happened between you and your husband's buddy.
Where's the problem?
You don't *want* to cheat, you recognise that it would be harmful to both your relationships, the buddy isn't trying to tempt you, and at least two other people would be hurt and angry if you did become "more than friends" (though what that could be without some form of physical contact remains mysterious).
It seems to me that you're flattered by the buddy's attention and want to fan the flames a little. Well, that's understandable, actually. Any attention from an "attractive, successful" man is pretty addictive. But now you need to accept that you misread his intentions. He says he wasn't flirting and that he didn't mean to. That means: he wasn't flirting. You misunderstood. Sorry, hon. Smile and carry on.
Enjoy the feeling that his compliments gave you, WITHOUT feeling that you have to pump him for more. Don't make the error of giving into the desire for something that might or might not be sexual. You might very well persuade him to sneak around on his girlfriend while you sneak around on your husband... but at what cost? Where can things go with you both, other than bad?
Time to pull back, and remember that it was only two years ago that you married your husband. He's the one who deserves your desire, remember? If you love him as much as you say, then turn your affections back where they belong: to the man you're married to.
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