A
female
age
36-40,
*ustAdream
writes:I have been with my significant other for three and a half years now, we have a two year old and one on the way. I have never been in love with him, it was definitely infatuation and loneliness in the beginning. We have split up several times throughout these short three years AND the only reason we got back together after one of the splits was because I felt obligated because of our child. He is a GREAT father. We have tried counseling and the only thing I got out of that was the proof I was not happy and that I could do something about it. I am definitely a people-pleaser and don't want to hurt our families involved. They adore the child and separating would only cause us to be 3k miles away from each other. I am REALLY looking for some answers, I don't know how I can really get the answers I am looking for, but I have been battling this for the past two years. On and off I think about it more and just think, maybe I will eventually fall in love, I'm positive it isn't going to happen like that. I am not sexually involved with him unless I am fantasizing... it's just killing me inside, killing who I really am. The more I read, the more I realize I shouldn't be in the relationship... I am just so afraid what he will try and do. He doesn't support our family like he should, we can barely make our rent each month and he fights about paying my car payment when he doesn't even have a vehicle.
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female
reader, Rocky angel  +, writes (1 June 2012):
If you are not really happy in this relationship, why stay? Because of your childrens? Remember, children is NOT" the super glue of the relationship or the husband and wife. We can not make others happy if we our self is not happy at all. Its the same with your children. Can your children be happy if they will see their parents only always in trouble? I think the children will be also ok, even their parents are separated but they are good friends with each other. Theres still a respect between you and your partner now, dont go far. If you two can manage to separate in a good way, be friends forever for the sake of the children, then it will be better. Try to talk to him in a diplomatic way. For the sake of your childrens you two can do it.. Good luck...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): "He is a GREAT father.""He doesn't support our family like he should, we can barely make our rent each month and he fights about paying my car payment when he doesn't even have a vehicle."Then he ISN'T a great father, he's a deadbeat sperm donor.Sadly, I suspect your bio-dad is long gone and you let this loser knock you up in hopes "we could be the family just like I always wanted but never had" without having a clue as to what family life is all about; not your fault but now there are kids involved whom neither of you have any idea how to properly raise and they're the ones who are suffering the most, as the kids always do.You need to go to counseling on your own, not to "save" your sham of a relationship, but to acquire the tools and skills and knowledge you need to become a responsible mother raising well-adjusted emotionally healthy children by ALWAYS putting their interests ahead of your own and their deadbeat loser sperm donor.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 June 2012):
 What would make you feel connected to a man? Does your partner have career goals, eg. would he go take classes to advance his skills to make more money? Or is he refusing to listen to you? Can you talk to him in a way that's suggestive, rather than accusative? What are your career goals? What would make you happy, with or without a man? You can figure all this out without having to move out first. This is a time to think for yourself. A happy girlfriend/ wife makes a happy mom.
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