A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I contact my ex after 4 months? We only dated for two months but we had a really good relationship, with so much chemisty and both wanted the same things in life. However, his ex (whom he has children with) pretended to be pregnant (when she found out about me) and being a good man he went back to her (to discover that she had "lost" the baby). Whilst we were dating he had been staying at a friend's house. He had only split up with his ex a few weeks before I met him and he didn't have anywhere else to go. So I do understand his reasons for going back. Although I do hear from his friends that he wanted to be with me but he didn't think he had any other options. My friends have also bumped into him and he has said how sorry he was for how things ended. Although I have moved on he is still on my mind....I thought about sending him a casual email to see how he is. But I would really appreciate other people's views on this. I know we weren't together for long but I did fall in love with him.
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be pregnant, his ex, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Vow, girl, it feels bad; and yes it hurts and yes, you want to contact him; you really think and hope you can make things work; but DON'T;
Personally I think he was on the rebound; you just happen to be around;
I suggest you read the answers given by all the aunties very carefully; they have given you excellent advise, I suggest you read and re read the answer of "Sadie B" she really explains it so clearly.
Get out there and find somebody without baggage; somebody that will love you, value you and somebody that you can be happy with;
Hey girl, there are lots of guys out there; forget about this one; go find one that you can have children with; one that will not have to support the ex and there kids!
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Obviously you loved him a great deal and you were happy together but when the chips were down he went back to her. Even when she 'miscarried' he still stayed with her. I think maybe you got together before he was truly over her. He sounds a nice man and wants to do the right thing. I think things will probably not workout with her long term and he will be back in touch but in the meantime I would leave him to get on with it and concentrate on your own life and meeting someone new.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 July 2008):
I'd leave things as they are if I were you.
If you or your friends bump into him or his friends then get the message passed on that you still hope he's ok and don't harbour bad feelings, but I wouldn't make direct contact.
He's made his choice to go back to and stay with his ex. This may be a bad choice, and it may just be "for the sake of the kids" but it's what he's done. Leave him to it. It's his loss, and an email from you might cause more trouble for him in his new situation. If she's a bit of a psycho then it might not go down too well.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Do not contact him. I'm sure he's sorry about how things ended but that's the key word, ended.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I think it is best to let it go. Given the circumstances of the breakup, the decision was his and I am sure he thought he did the right thing. Eventually, things will sour again with his ex and he may or may not contact you in the future, but you should let him be with the choice he made.
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A
female
reader, SadieB +, writes (2 July 2008):
I can understand how difficult this situation is for you, having been in a similar situation myself. However, the most important factor in all this is just how soon you two were an item following his break up with his ex. You were his comfort when he was at a low ebb - having only broken up from his partner (I hate the word 'partner' but I'm gathering they were not married) for a matter of weeks, is not a long enough time for him to think about what he wants in the future or to get over his ex. Of course she would have been mortified to find that he had met someone else so quickly after their breakup (wouldn't you in her shoes?) which is why she used the one tool she could to bring him back to her. I'm taking your word for it that her pregnancy was a lie, although of course it could well have been true. Their relationship could not have been that bad if they were still having sex up until the last few days of their breakup. I really think you need to move on from him, as painful as that might be, and realise that there is someone very special out there for you. I know you have feelings for this man, but you need to understand that he has made his decision by still being with her even though she is no longer pregnant. His feelings for the mother of his children will far outstrip those he had for you, simply because they were together for a long time and have raised a family together. In your two month relationship, you could never compete with that shared history. If he still wanted a relationship with you, he would get in touch with you directly, not mention it to your friends. He is being kind by saying nice things about you - and why shouldn't he? let's be honest, not many other women would consider dating a man with children, nowhere to live, who broke up with his ex a matter of weeks beforehand. He must have though it was his christmas and birthday come at once by meeting such an undemanding woman! Do you really want to be with someone who has this amount of baggage with him? I would resist the urge to write to him, stay away and put this one down to a chapter in your life you can learn from. Keep yourself busy and don't stay in the house thinking about this because it might become a bigger deal than it needs to be. I wish you the very best of luck xxx
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