A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Please help! I broke up with my boyfriend three months ago and I was very relieved as he was a manipulative person with my life and what he thought I had to do professionaly speaking. We live close and have since talked a little and on July saw each other for like three days and kind of went back together for three weeks (I was in another country on my vacations most of the time but we kept in touch a lot). I came back to our country and the possibilities of getting back together (which I was not sure I wanted to) were darkened by his conditions as to what I was supossed to do with my life. There he was one more time telling me what to do. The problem is that I was okay with the relationship ending because I was fed up with his manipulations but each time I see that he is kind of neglecting me it scares me and I become very jealous and hurt. I'm okay with not being with him but when I see that he is not talking to me over the messenger or I notice that he is going on with his life it tears me apart. As if I wish he'd be crying for me all of his life. What's wrong with me?
View related questions:
broke up, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (6 September 2007):
It may be hard to see him move on because he really hrut you and possibly messed up some of your life. You are still suffering from the abuse from him. So your life still pretty much sucks...but he, the abuser is being all happy. It seems pretty unfair. Why should HE be the one who ish appy and you, the victim, be unhappy? Thats a totaly normal way to feel. But to be hoenst, anyone who abuses othrs, controls, manipulates etc isnt truly happy in their life and with themselves. For one to become a abuser they must have some issues and stuff going on. So remember that...
Part of you may feel anger towards how he treated you, and you dont want him to be happy...but trust me, he isnt happy. Like I said, anyone who abusers others and has a strong desire for power and control has many many issues nad most liekly has had a pretty bad life.
Perhaps it also upsets you seeing him move on because hes giving this attention to other girls and like any normal human being, you want that attention. Perhaps you never felt like you were good enough? So for him to give smeone else all this attention and 'love' maybe makes you feel bad about yourself?
Also another thing to remember is that if he does 'move on' with another girl, they arent going to have a happy, healthy, successful and fulfiling relationship because basicaly he is an abuser! So that is NOTHING to be jealous of really. Rememebr that...there is nothing to be jealous of. Your relatiomship with him was pretty bad, so his with any other girl will be the same if not worse...unless of course he gets help.
Hope this has helped :)
p.s. be proud of yourself for leaving him! :)
A
female
reader, AylaJ +, writes (6 September 2007):
I've had abusive realtionshipships as well. And I had one boyfriend that was so good at manipulating people he might has well have been playing a guitar.And I have done the "getting back together but not sure" thing. The truth is you feel like you're owed something. I felt that way when my last relationship ended, I was releived but also feeling gyped.You want him to give you the respect he should have when you were together, you want him to make up for all the bad things he has done, you want your painful feelings to be taken away. But the bastard is moving on like he didn't give you what you deserved.It sucks BUT that is the way these things go. Be glad you were smart enough to get out the first time. Most people go back out with someone that was terrible to them to get what they think they should have gotten the first time. I don't know anyone that ever does get it.GOODLUCK you're not crazy.
...............................
|
