A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I had just started being friendly after months of being bitter to each other after our break-up.The other day, I asked him thru text about the shop where he bought his car. Then he replied to explain a few things then said to me he is not feeling well. I did not bother to reply because I realized that he's been rude to me this past months. I just wanted him to feel what I felt before.My question, do you think I should've said anything atleast especially that he said he's not feeling ok or it's ok to have not replied at all? Was I wrong timing to be suddenly thinking of the past when we have already become friends? What should I do?Your advises pls...Thanks so much.
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female
reader, Lib1 +, writes (21 October 2009):
 haha wow just like I wrote! It was an attempt to get your attention. Ignore it... this is his way of getting you vulnerable. Just take my advice... my friend did after his breakup and now he is kissing my feet in gratitude. Just tell him he will be able to accept his choice of ending it in time but for now you can't be around someone so down in the dumps. Ask him to give you a month or so before he contacts you and if he is still upset then you guys can have a talk (thats if YOU want to get back with him). Sounds to me like he is super needy like my ex was and is going to use you temporarily to ease his pain.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone...
Here's a follow-up to my case. Well, I got good advises from here and I realized I was wrong timing to be ignoring him. If i was to be his friend again, I should really be his friend and not bring back our bitter past. So on the 4th day of my silence, I sent him a msg asking him if he was okay and I hope he is feeling well already. He replied instead with:
"I am broken hearted. I will never be okay again."
Now, it's been days since this msg and I keep thinking about it. Why would he say that? He was the one who broke up with me and when we saw each other, I tried to look like I have a good life now and he even thinks I have a new bf but I don't. I just refuse to say anything about my personal life. I feel sad inside...
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A
female
reader, Share Bear  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Aww, if both of you are having trouble moving on... why did you break up? It sounds like this was a really important relationship to you both. How long were you together?
Maybe its worth a really frank chat with each other about how you both feel. It might cut through the 'games' and help you move on in a comfortable relationship- even if its only as friends. But its much harder to move on if you're still wondering if there was something worth saving?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies.
This is the reason why I posted this question because I admit I am not in the right mind to decide anything about him. It's very embarassing but it's true. I guess the best thing to do is to forgive myself that I did this and from now on..there should be no initiating of any contact. I should just let this one go...
The last time I saw him was when he came to my house unexpectedly at dawn to see if I could just talk to him briefly. He said he wanted to be friends and that he was very curious what I have been up to this past half year. He asked how I managed my days without him and what I do and where I go.
I thought I could be a friend to him. As a matter of fact maybe we are both disguising ourselves as friends when we just want to check on each other. Coz I notice, once I feed him the details, he looks like he is recharged and wont get back to me until next week again. And that's what pisses me off. I don't know what he wants from me. It could not be sex as we haven't slept since a month before the break up.
What do you advise for me to do? As you all seem to suggest, I should cut contact with him this time.
Any other less difficult thing for me to do other than cut contact? :)
I really appreciate all your advises, I never go wrong when I post a question here.
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A
female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (28 September 2009):
You're just got to follow reasonable logic here;
You saw fit to ask him for advice on your car. He tried to help you, even though he wasn't feeling well.
On hearing which, you suddenly remembered past arguments and decided to cut communication without wishing that he feels better soon.
The past arguments were irrelevant at this point as you had already resumed communications for your own benefit, and he had provided you with help and advice.
It was unreasonable for you to spontaneously become discourteous towards him.
None of this has anything to do with getting back together or not doing so. It is simply good manners.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): He's an ex- and as such you need to give him some room. His feelings are not your concern anymore... let him go and get on with his life- if you still have feelings for him, or are concerned for him... you need to decide what that's all about.If your trying to "make him feel what you feel"- be very careful. This kind of tit-for-tat "see how you like it" stuff is very hurtful and damaging. If you fall into this pattern it's going to hurt you and your future relationships. If something hurts so much that you want to inflict the same pain on others that's a RED FLAG that you've not dealt with it properly and NEED to.How does that feel is one sentance from "get you stuff and be out in an hour" in my book...
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A
female
reader, Lib1 +, writes (28 September 2009):
I do not believe you have done anything wrong. My ex had someone die in his arms when he could not resuscitate a man who died suddenly from a heart attack right after our breakup. He sent me a text right after asking me if I was awake but I ignored it. Weeks later he tracked me down and told me what happened. I didn't know what the text was about but he made me feel guilty for not responding to him. I allowed him back into my life. As things began to unfold I found out he used that incident to worm his way back into my life to trick me into thinking he wanted to get back together. I am only telling this story about myself because you mentioned that you two were taking blows at each other. Opening yourself up to friendship so soon after a break up allows for a severe vulnerability that can be easily used to break your heart all over again. I do not believe my ex was fully aware of what he was doing when he did it but it created a very bitter atmosphere between the both of us. This attempt to grab your attention for something as trivial as a cold (whatever it might be) could very well be an attempt to get you vulnerable to strike again. Now I'm not saying this to sound pessimistic. I am saying this because there is a good period of time after a couple breaks up where there emotions take them all over the place and causes them to hurt the other person. You both have a history of this and you have a chance at breaking this unhealthy cycle by realizing that you are no longer an item you no longer have anything to do with him and vice versa. Goodluck and try to take care of yourself.
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Don't let this get to you. It's only natural to have these sorts of feelings. Just look at what it is telling you.
It is telling you that it's not time for you two to be friends. (Who needs enemies at this rate?)You need to get over the relationship first, then try to be his friend.
Even as 'friends,' you're beating yourself up over the relationship, so I'd say work on moving forward and cut off contact with him for a while.
If it makes your conscience feel better then send a text like pink said but then stop until you've moved on...
It'll work itself out, just takes time...
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 September 2009):
Well if you two are going to be "friendly" to one another, then it's probably best to stop B.S.-ing and playing silly games with one another. If my friend told me that they were sick (regardless if it's a guy or girl), as a friend to them, I would have at least have acknowledged it with a, "That sucks, hope you feel better." But you not replying at all, no it really doesn't matter, but if you want to move on from the past it's probably best to act like a mature adult. If he plays stupid mind games then, fine, he can go play them by himself and you won't be his friend anymore.
If it's really bothering you that much, then just text him with, "Hey how are you? Just wanted to see if you're feeling better." And leave it at that, it's not a big deal.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 I understand where you didn't forgive him yet for him to understand how you felt but yes you choose the wrong time to do this.
Where you just became friends again you ignoring him will make it much harder now.
You did nothing unforgivable though. But you need to really think what you want.
Do you want to stay friends with him or do you just want a clean break where you two go your separate ways.
If you choose to go your separate way then you need to let him know.
Now if you want to continue to be friends you need to forgive him for what he did in the past and be a friend to him.
Good Luck!
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