A
female
age
41-50,
*rancine81
writes:I am going through some major anxiety and i believe its because of my most recent loses.I was pregnant with my ex of 2 years' baby. We were supposed to get married but when we shouldve been growing together and being there for one another is when he became more and more distant. I was carrying his child and living in a different state then him, waiting for him to finish his probation. He called almost only once a month and he contacted me through text messaging..even on New years night..to find out that he lied to me about why he couldnt call..he said the lines were busy.I let him have my car and the agreement was that he would pay part of the car every month. He was always late! sometimes 2 months late! That New Years night, he ran a toll in MY CAR and I received the information by mail with the date and time. This was supposed to be our first Christmas and New Years together with me carrying our child. I waited Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day and I was hoping he would surprise me..2 days later was his birthday and I knew he wanted to stay home to be with his friends..then it was New Years..our 2nd New Years and neither one of them had we spent together (the year before he was sick) He didnt make it for the holidays and the excuses were endless..I didnt even receive a card! Although I was hurt, I mailed him his gifts for the holidays because even his birthday passed and he tried making me feel bad for giving him a hard time about not calling me on New Years..when I later found out he was lying..Im not sure why I put up with so much and what made things even worse was my family saw the pain and hurt he caused me and made me go through the pregnancy completely alone. I would sometimes lock myself in my room for days and just cry to myself and I couldnt even call him to share with him my concerns and fears. I dont know if it was because of him that I stopped even trying to call him. I felt that when ever I would call that it just so happened that he wouldnt answer. He said that I "wasnt easy to deal with being pregnant" he used the excuse that I "became to emotional to talk to"..Let me tell you something..being pregnant..I was getting praised for how strong i was to be putting up with him and his callousness. Those I would tell didnt even know everything! I met a man online. He was in the Navy and for a month we became close and I spoke about my situation and he studied psychology and medical. He was just a romantic. I has intelligent conversations with him and he took my mind off the baby father and made me feel that I could raise my baby alone. He was a father himself.When he got to the states from Iraq we spent a few days and nights together. He made me feel like a delicate princess. He told me he wanted to see me again although he lived on the other side of the country. We exchanged gifts and he went home.A couple of days later he called me to tell me he was still married but, that he knows what he wants and thats me. In the meantime, my babys father hadnt paid me and I was upset at him still from the holidays and it was just over to me. I went for my birthday to the state my ex is living in..where my friends are. I asked he return the car back to me and he did by leaving the car in my driveway with the key on the seat. How could he have me carrying his baby and he doesnt even want to see or touch my belly, hug and kiss me? He was mad that I was in state and didnt want to stay at his place. He was completely clueless of all the stress he has been causing me. (I sometimes regret not staying with him when I was there..at the time I was just to upset with him and he didnt even try to see me or talk to me!)If there is any time in a womans life that her emotional breakdowns are considered tolerable and acceptable is when she is pregnant..but, he failed to recognize what he needed to do to be a man and a father. I promise you, it wasnt until the whole holiday bit that i started loosing my temper with him..all via text messaging only!Within the week that he returned the car to me, that my lover confessed he was still married, me pregnant, valentines day and my birthday..i decided to terminate the pregnancy at 20 weeks.My lover called to tell me how things had been going at home at that one day they are ok the next they are fighting so he hoped he didnt loose me forever...I said no, he could call me anytime but that it stunk to be on his terms. One day or two later, I was confronted by my lovers wife and then he called me to tell me that he has been speaking to his wife and he was going to work it out with her because she had been real cool about the "infidelity issue".Now, one week and one day after the abortion, I am here. Ive been crying for 2 days and I couldnt even get outta bed! its like, in any second I could be crying. But, why am i upset?! My ex was apparently not right for me..all I wanted was his love and to care and worry for me and our child. I wasnt ever so emotionally needy in the past..I was pregnant..it was hard enough living in seperate states but, couldnt he do something to make things easier and better for me? he made me hate him but, now that there is no more connection without the baby...its over for good. I should be happy but Im not! I think about the baby and Ive been fighting my head against my heart! there is nothing I could to bring her back (i knew the sex of the baby)..I know I made the right decisions for several reasons; he wasnt there for me during pregnancy and I couldnt wait till the baby was born to see if he cared or changed. also, I couldnt afford it..Im in my late 20s him in his early 30s but neither of us were financially secure but worst of all..raising the baby and the life the baby would have was questionable because the babys father was questionable. he always tried saying that i never loved him but, how could he say that when I was willingly carrying his child? how come he couldnt prove to me the love he supposedly had for me?.. he said cause nothing he does is ever good enough..but, he never really did much for me..its all for him..when he did something nice, I would praise him. maybe 3 years in jail would do that to him?my lover, why should I care? he played with my emotions knowing I was pregnant and what I was going through...so his marriage was having problems and he apologized for getting me in the mix..what else could I really want from him?my ex, my unborn child, my lover..all in the same week. I need to understand why I care? is it because this all happened to me? both guys did me wrong.. I also only have my immediate family living with me..no friend support up here but most of my friends know whats going on but they dont live here. I cant meet new friends with all this weight on my shoulders..what do I do?
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abortion, christmas, in jail, my ex, navy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): ive just read your story and im nearly in tears just from reading it, men are funny really theyre all the same, what you need is to acctually see your friends in person they wont care about your weight, you've been really strong to put up with what you have done but right now you have to think of you. im not saying go out and party its probably too early for that yet, just take care of yourself maybe start going to the gym once a week and build on that, that will get you happier and fitter! you never know you might even meet a nice hunk.
A
female
reader, jenna34 +, writes (26 February 2008):
You chose these guys knowing they weren't good for you so why you cause yourself so much pain, i don't know. Is your family not good enough to support you because i don't get this. There was no mention about how wrong it was for you to have an affair with a married man and you act like you are so burdened and depressed it didn't turn out. He apologized to you about "getting you in the mix" like you were some kind of victim or something. You say your family "made" you go through the pregnancy alone like once again, you are a victim of something.I am glad you own up to the decision about the baby and i'm sorry for all your pain. I would suggest you see a therapist because this isn't going to be a bandaid solution. take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): you seem overwhelmed by the changes that have happened, & why wouldnt you? I would go to my doctor if I was you and arrange some counselling. you're not to blame.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 February 2008):
 You just wrote about all this last week, didn't you like the answers you received?
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