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female
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*adi
writes: Someone please Help me.. I really need replies that arnt the obviouse ones, but the really helpful ones... My ex and I have a child together who is now 4.. He and I split up after she was 1.. I am now with my significant other.. We have been together for almost three years now. He loves me more then anything... I want to marry him.. Now see, my family HATES my ex, for rather personal reasons... But they love the new love of my life.. It took me awhile to be with this man, because my heart needed to mend. Here's where the problem comes in... I talked to my ex recently, and he had told me that he was planning to get re-married on Thursday.. And he "couldnt" because he still loves me. He said that he is happy for me, and that he loves me so much, that he is happy my boyfriend is fathering my daughter.. BUT... He misses me.. I LOVE my boyfriend... TO DEATH.. Im just SOO lost right now.. I mean, my boyfriend and I have a child together, and he is a WONDERFUL father.. My ex, when he had told me that he still loved me, its like a part of me wanted to run to him, and tell him I loved him too. But, instead, I told him that my boyfriend made me happy. More happier then I have ever been. He never cheated on me, nor he never would, ( unlike my ex ) A b.i.g. part of my heart is telling me to forget about my ex, and that he is no good. The littlest part in me wants to run to my ex, like old times.... :( This has effected me so bad right now, that when I go to bed, I have to cry myself to sleep because im so lost.. I was fine, right here with my boyfriend and with our new family.. I was HAPPY... Why is he trying to take this away from me? Why is he trying to make me confused??? P.L.E.A.S.E someone... Please help...... :* (
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): Please please please do not go back with your ex. My boyfriend last week went back to his ex wife in the same way despite us having had the most fantastic relationship for the last 2 years (which like you he still admits). His ex wife asked him back after 3 years and he has gone, astounding everyone. He has left me utterly devastated. Think about your current boyfriend and what it will do to him. I am prepared to wait for my man but your boyfriend might not and I have no doubt that going back cannot work as time and people move on.
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female
reader, Sadi +, writes (3 March 2007):
Sadi is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all once again... Now I know what path to follow.. I almost made this BIGGEST mistake ofmy life.. Thank you,
Sadi
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): My first serious relationship with a man ended after a year and a half and him sending me home to my apartment for the day because he needed some space, and then later that afternoon he showed up on his bicycle (we were in college) he had ridden it clear accross town to break up with me (even though he had a car--I think he wanted to punish himself for what he was about to do, because he told me he loved me at least once a day for the entire time we were together) I just balled and asked "why" and he never gave me an answer, but he had started a relationship with another girl from his PT program, they ended up married, no kids and divorced 5 years later. When I moved back to MO from Texas after 10 long years, I ran into him, and he apologized to me and said he did not know who he was back then and it cost him a wife and me, and he said we had a lot of good times together.
I had to leave the bar/restaurant after that because I was crying. I could never have gone backwards and started up with him again, too much time and too much life had passed us both by, but it blew me away that this man could feel regret so many years later when he had broken my heart without a thought to what I needed to know, why.
My point in telling you this little story is that the feelings of sorrow and confusion you have right now are due to the little corner of your heart that he once occupied, and you are sad for what could have been but never was....this is life as everyone you get close to leaves a footprint on your heart. That is all, it does not mean that you should feel guilty for how HE is feeling over you, he knows he has lost you and he is regretting the past, but he can't promise you he won't do it again as cheaters are cheaters,,,,so just let it go and feel flattered that he did once love you, but has realized a little too late the error of his ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): Dear, you are only confused because you are allowing it. When you take your feelings and inject some clarification and rationale into those feelings, you will see the light. Dear, you current bf sounds like a gem so think with your head and keep yourself focused on the prize here. You have a bf who has stuck by you, treats you like a queen, has never cheated on you, respects and loves you! Why would you even consider leaving paradise to go back to a hurtful, painful existence with an ex bf, who treated you like scum. Forget the memories and the old times, they are all, in the past. And if you can't forget, just think of the pain you endured with this ex. That should be enough to make you realize that you have the strength to go forward. While it complimentary to one's ego to have an ex bf step forward and state he still loves you...that's all it is is ego. Think about the huge sacrifice and loss you will endure to satisfy an unhappy ex bf sad feelings. Kind of silly isn't it. Your ex's life is in complete charge of his own life now. Don't allow him to control your life! If he is the father of your child, the only contact you should have is concerns about your child, if he is a part of her life. Just smile inwardly and tell him -it's a 'no go' and he has to move on. An remember, no further contact with him in regards to your past relationship. If he can't let it go...set a tough boundary and stand strong, he's bound to get the hint. Make the brave choices and keep usng your head, hun. Good luck.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 You had some good times with your ex, and THAT is what you're thinking of just now. You might even feel sorry for him but don't! He's only trying to make you feel guilty and using you as the excuse not to marry this other girl. Don't fall for it. You have everything you could want just now, a man who is good to you and loves you to bits, don't throw all that away.
Think about the bad times with your ex, did they outweigh the good? He cheated on you, remember? Think how he made you feel, why don't your family like him? Why did you split? How did he make you feel? Then think about your current partner. Why do your family prefer him? Is he loving and kind towards you? Is he a good father? Can he provide for you better than your ex? Is he loyal to you? Does he make your heart race?
I think you know the answer deep down. You're older and wiser now and yes, you had some good times with your ex but they are just memories now. The reality is you could never grow to love him again, only to pity him so stick with the partner you have, if you don't you'll regret it.
Eve
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): You know deep down that you are better off with the person you are with now. I am glad you moved on with your life from your Ex and made a success of it. There were reasons why your relationship with your Ex did not work out or you would still be together. Your Ex is aware that you have moved on and is probably wanting a piece of that but it does not work like that. The present guy is making you happy and you realistically have a better future with him. He should not have planted these words in your head but neverthless your happy with your partner , he isn't happy with his partner and thats not your problem.
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reader, nicola79 +, writes (3 March 2007):
 This ex of yours may not have the love that you too once had,and seeing you getting on with your life might have got him thinking. He may be the father of your first child but you have to go with the person who will love you like they should and be there for you.
This bf you have now sounds lovely and if I were you I would 100% stay with him,but im not you and its you that has to think long and hard as to what you are going to do flower. Way up all the pros and conns if you were going to go back to him,then do the same about you bf,ie- your parents like him,he hasnt cheated on you,you feel safe with him and you have a young family whom he loves.
I think if you did end up going back to your ex,he may think "well ive done it to her before and she has took me back,even left her bf for me so I will be able to get away with it again".
If you do that,then realise you have done wrong,you may find that your bf wont ever take you back????
I really hope whatever you choose is the right 1 for you.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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