A
female
age
41-50,
*obme
writes:I have been in constant contact daily now with my ex husband and also sometimes a few times a week with a man I have always wanted to be with that lives near me and I work with daily.My ex helped me alot helping me get a new car that me and my daughters desperately needed.I flew down to GA to get my new car and my ex and I just had a great time as friends and then some when we were alone at his house he would start a fire and made sure I was comfortable and we would watch movies and he would always be near me touching me. I even slept in my exes bed and my ex would hold me all night.The guy from home here had texted me on my first night in GA and called me a few times on my drive home.I went to his house on my way home and we had a long talk and lots of hugs and kisses. :) My ex had almost done anything to make me stay with him at his house one more night since it was Valentines Day I was driving home.I said no as I had to get back to work the next day and my ex brought up a couple times how he wanted me to stay one more night and even now says a few times he wished I would've.Since I have been back home going back to my life here I am almost wishing my ex would just stop all contact and move on! Its been almost 2 years since we ended.I really want the chance with my guy up here and I am going to be with him again this week.The trip I took to GA strengthened me and my guy here alot and helped us get closer as he saw a threat in my ex which there is NONE.My ex comes from a serious controlling family and they hate me and will disown him if he ever took us back he has been warned.Why I refuse to get back with him is his messed up controlling family and their issues and drama.Now I am in torture in some ways missing my ex and wanting a relationship with my guy here.Please help me in any way..thanks if you can. :)
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 February 2008):
 It doesn't sound like you need help. You've made up your mind. You want the new guy. Everything you wrote was about out with the old, on with the new.
Now I think you need to take it slow, no matter who you're with. Your confusion shows weakness in the foundation of either direction you chose. Remember weak foundations generally crumble.
Oh and don't place blame on his family. They may cause difficulties, but your reson for not choosing him is because of the new guy. You're placing blame on the family because you can't find reason to justify not going back to the ex that you miss, so that blame has to be placed somewhere.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Your very confused at the moment and unfortunately you are giving your ex husband some mixed signals. He wants you back and you know it. Your there, but then distant.
In a way I don't think your really ready to have any relationship at the moment. It would not really be fair to either man to be so torn.
You need to create more distance from your ex if you to truly start a new life. The constant contact is just muddling everything up. Be independent and stand on your own two feet with his help offers or involvement in your life. Otherwise it looks a bit like you are still using him as a crutch, but wanting to break free?
Give yourself some time. Sugar, you don't need to choose either guy at the moment and get into your own space. Think about what your really now wanting to achieve and go for it. Forget about ex and current for a minute and think about why the marriage broke up, what was wrong and what you don't want to continue. Make some decisions about your life which don't revolve about men. Who are you and what are you trying to do with your lot.
Your still connected. All you need to answer now is whether you want to be, and act and live with that decision.
All the best and take care. xxx
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