A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI've just ended my relationship after almost 5 years. We split up early last year and somehow got back together around August time. We didn't live together or anything. During that time apart though my feelings changed and after getting back together I still couldn't feel like I once did.I talked to my partner and he just said that with time we'd be ok but I know I haven't been happy and he hasn't really either if he's honest. The feelings I once had are dead and gone and there's absolutely nothing left between us - on my part anyway.So I told him that we had to be honest and admit things weren't working out and the reasons why. He said at the time that he agreed but that was only Monday and now he's texted me again (like he did last time we split up) asking me to give it another go and try again. How many times can I keep doing this? We've tried again and it's not worked but he doesn't seem to want to admit it - how can I make him see that I've nothing else left to give and that's it's over??Many thanks for any help.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 February 2008):
 Just change your number, its free if you are getting hassled. Make sure you mention that when you ring the phone company otherwise they will try to charge you.
The trouble is at the moment he will be nice, try to wear you down, and the more you stand your ground, he will then turn nasty. Its a classic pattern, when they dont get what they want.
My ex will use anything to have an impact, even try to turn my family against me to a certain extent, and drop hints that they think im in the wrong, which just inst true. As long as you are strong you can let things like that go over your head.
Only this morning ive had a txt from him saying sorry for hurling abuse in txt over the weekend. And that he wont make it difficult for me to get my money back (im currently taking him through small claims for a few grand i lent him in dec, and hes already replied to them admitting he owes me it so its just a case of waiting for the court date, it makes no odds what tactics he tries now) So i know hes not deleted my number like he said he would. And im used to the nicey nicey approach he will try now.
Its not worth all the hassle waiting for those things to happen next. You're better off changing the number.
C xxxx
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 February 2008):
 Change your handset to a new number.That will stop all those nuisance calls from him.
His thoughts and emotions are unstable and like a chaotic sea.
You need to stay away for a period of time to stabilize his thoughts and emotions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): Your story sounds so much like me a few years ago. The only thing that I can say will work is if you change your contact numbers.
If not he will keep persisting after you, until he finally wears you down. My ex did the same thing when we broke up, he would not for love nor money accept we were finished.
If you want to send me a private message please feel free too...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for all your advice. It's got worse. He's texted me about 25 times today just asking to meet up and have a 'final' chat. I just feel like we've been here before. I've said again everything that I've already said in that I don't have any feelings left for him. One minute he texts and says he accepts that it's over and 10 minutes later he texting saying he hopes it's just a hiccup and that we can sort it out. What else can I do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): I know where you are coming from as I was in your sitation about 2 years ago. I was with my ex for 8 1/2 years and he would not accept we were over. He kept ringing/txting me, my family, turning up at work begging me to take him back but my mind was made up. I won't lie and say it was easy but if its what you really want you will find the strength to do it. Its hard not to give in when you see a grown man crying his eyes out begging you to take him back! I ended up moving away, changing my numbers and circle of friends for a while til he accepted we were finally finished. It took him a year to actually believe that. If he isn't getting the message you have to be tough to be kind and tell him that you don't love him any more. That the feelings you once had for him are gone and its time to move on.......Good luck with everything x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 February 2008):
And i forgot to add, i dont think there is any way to convince him its not going to work. Sometimes people wont accept that, and will hurl insults at you in the end when they cant get what they want, and it doesnt matter what you say, they will think you are the loopy one that is at fault for it not working. Stating that they tried their hardest.
This is the type of control freak that you need to cut off all contact with because unless you go along with what they want, which is you back! you will always be the bad guy basically.
Everyone has the right to be with whoever they want to be with and as long as you havent lied to them or treated them bad or cheated on them, hold your head up and keep that in mind!
Hope it goes ok.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 February 2008):
Hi
Been there done that bought the t shirt!
Pretty much the same time scale too.
Whats happening here, if i am reading it the same as my situation, is, you split from him, knowing its not gonna work, he worms his way into staying mates, then back into the relationship. Its called manipulation, and lots of us have been there at some point.
I finished the relationship numerous times, i couldnt even count how many. He said he accepted it, but wanted to stay mates. Me not really having feelings for him, but didnt mind him as a friend, went along with that, then when we got on well (because we had no complications that relationships bring) mistakenly thought that meant he was right, we should try again.
Guess what, i realised within weeks i had been hoodwinked.
I have recently ended it again, and this time no amount of nagging, will have me back there again. But its taken breaking contact with him completely unfortunateloy and him leaving me feeling i am the nasty barsteward!
The simple answer is, stay strong and stick to your guns!
Otherwise you keep going round on that treadmill and getting nowhere. Without being able to move on because he will never let you!
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Just take the tough approach. Tell him face to face its time to move on. Its been fun, but you need to move on. Its that simple, and he probally wont let you leave right away, but what are you going to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): 5 years is a long time and you loved each other once? And maybe still do? Just a thought but have you tried some relationship counselling and tried spicing things up, talking properly to each other. I did this with my current partner but what we were doing was just getting back together and carrying on as before until I realised it wasn't working so now we are having a break but talking things through to see what we can do. If you really are sure your feelings are all dead, then perhaps a counsellor would help you both to come to terms with ending the relationship if that is what you ultimately decide to do. Good luck x
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