A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last year me and my ex broke up, I had put undue stress on the relationship which was completely ruined and looking back, it was the right thing for it to be over. However, he just blocked me out of his life, one day he said he'd speak but then he never did. Never once said a thing, which took me a long time to accept. He doesn't live near me, which made it easier, as I was never going to bump into him. In the New Year, I sent him a message as I was always so confused why he just pretended like I wasn't there. He then replied and said he never wanted to hurt me. But, obviously by his actions, he did hurt me, but I know I'd hurt him prior so I'll always retain, it was the 'mess I made'.I then asked if he wanted some of his stuff back, to which he said yes, and I, as well, wanted some things back. We amicably said that we'd both send the respective things back - and I sent the stuff to him. However, I never got anything back from him. Nor, has he said anything since or anything.So I feel I've been completely *****d over for a second time! I genuinely don't have any feelings, I just wanted to be his friend, or someone he knows, but I guess that doesn't work if he even just lied to me for a second time?! So, here I am, with him not having said anything to me since he said he'd send my stuff back - No stuff - No communication. He's done what he did a year ago, all over again.Why did I let myself be so weak over this? Why did he do this for a second time? I really don't understand. I'm not even mad, I just feel so let down, because it just means that everything we ever experienced wasn't meaningful, just complete nothing-ness?! It's just so hard for me to comprehend, I had got over it all but even trying to speak again has upset me all over again.I never wanted to be with him again, I don't feel anything towards him, only a wanting of him to be happy and to live a good life. I just feel hurt, and so much more so this time. A lot.Any ideas? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmystiquek - Thank you. I'm grateful for your reply and I completely agree with you. I have moved on, it was simply when he said he'd send it back, then he didn't and no communication since I sent his stuff! Just think it's completely pathetic and is pretty hurtful/spiteful. But, I will be able to finally stop my mind from thinking he's such a good person, when how can he be, doing the same actions twice!? Honeypie - You made me laugh and I'm grateful you replied. Thanks. You're right and it really has made me realise how highly I thought of him, still, when he didn't speak to me when he said he would before, now it's happened all over again. I still believed he was a genuinely nice person but I don't think that's true at all now. It really makes no sense why he'd lie again about doing something then not, and no communication. I am bemused, however I can really forget about it and accept it for a second,time!? Dear me! :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 January 2015):
 What an assclown!
YOU DID the right thing in sending his stuff back. He on the other hand is a callous cad, I guess it really shouldn't surprise you that he didn't mail you your stuff. After all HE got his.
Stop worrying or trying to figure out WHY he did what he did. Those are HIS actions, and it wasn't because of something YOU did or didn't do.
Remove/block/delete his number from your phone. DO NOT contact him any further. YOU are not getting your "stuff" back and he isn't going to turn into a decent guy.
He SAID he would send you the stuff - to make himself look like a decent guy. He obviously ISN'T a decent guy and that is why... you didn't GET your stuff.
LET him go, let IT go and move on.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 January 2015):
 Its not nice of him to promise to send your things and then not follow through, but..I guess he just no longer wishes to be in contact with you at all. Its hard to say what his reason(s) are..it could be that he just doesn't want to be bothered, he is too busy, or the most hurtful would be that he just doesn't care. I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that you won't get closure with this relationship and move on. Breakups are hard and many times we just don't get the answers that we want. Try to just accept that in the end he wasn't willing to be nice and just wanted to move on. Don't let it get to you, it isn't worth how its making you feel. You were decent and sent the things back. He was a jerk. Its going to take some time but it will get easier. You hang in there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not after anything, that's the point. The point here is that I don't actually have anything that's needing to talk to him, it was only about being okay with one another. I fail to understand why he would speak in a reasonable way, then ignore me, and not even send my stuff. He did lie, as he didnt send it - That action is therefore hurtful and has upset me.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (30 January 2015):
 You're not going to want to hear this - but this IS how it should be.
Things weren't working out for the both of you, you broke it off and went no contact. That IS how it should be. He shouldn't contact you anymore, just as you shouldn't contact him anymore. You each go seperate ways and move on with your life!! He probably has met someone else and is already in a committed relationship. He is happy and doesn't want his past to interfere with his current relationship. He's is focusing on and being faithful to his current girlfriend. He doesn't want to keep in touch with you or be "friends" with you anymore. He was being nice with his reply to your New Year's message. You are the one and only one who is wanting to stay in touch. He doesn't. He made it clear. He didn't lie to you. He just doesn't want anything to do with you anymore! Let the past be the past and move on! Whatever you're after, you're not going to get it.
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