A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a pretty bizarre and embarrassing question, but I need someone to tell me what I should do.I dated a guy for just over a couple of months, and it was pretty intense fairly fast (this was when the pubs and bars were still open). He got me a remote controlled silent vibrator (this is believe it or not what my question is about) to try 'out and about', and I'm fairly open minded so tried it. It was fun but he was definitely more into the public aspect of it more than I was - not that it made me uncomfortable though.I used it more generally in private settings when we were separated by distance and I was in my own home.Well, fast forward and we had a messy break up, instigated by me (I wasn't feeling a growing connection despite effort and sexual attraction). I didn't mean for it to be messy, but he was quite... angry? Or maybe indignant. Telling me I was making a mistake and that if I gave it more time I'd definitely recognise that I loved him etc, and that we would be amazing together (this is in summary). His attitude bothered me, but it happens sometimes if you're deeply disappointed and/or confused. I felt bad for him.He said he needed time to process and not talk, and that he won't contact me for a while - totally understood that but it was upsetting for me also. We had become good friends and enjoyed a lot of hobbies together.Fast forward several weeks into not speaking and separating from each other's social media (not in pettiness, it was agreed), he sends me a message, asking if I could send him the vibrator in the mail. I was... really, really surprised, and a bit disbelieving. He extrapolates and says 'I can't stand the thought of someone else using it with you'. I immediately thought to myself that this was inappropriate and a really odd thing to ask for. I know that he bought it, but I had used it - it's a very private and intimate possession in my eyes. Sure it is a shareable toy in a way, but it was given to me, new, and I had used it and was still using it. He didn't want anything else returned, (of which there were several nice, personal things I'm sure must have cost more than the toy). It felt like an attempt at control, a bit creepy, and it made me kinda angry.I didn't and don't care about the value of the toy, or the specific toy or anything. What I care about is giving it back to him. That feels off. Like... very off. An invasion of my privacy almost. I packed it up a while ago in a sort of 'if I can just not care about this is send it back, I don't have to talk to him ever again' but something kept me from sending it. Can anyone relate to this at all or am I being petty and should I just send it back? Or should I stand my ground and refuse? I feel like I should refuse.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2021): Very creepy. Don't send it. 2 other reasons not to:
It might go off at the post office, maybe causing a panic there.
Your DNA. Not an expert here but there's a possibly you scrub it and it's still there.
Your breakup was a good idea. He's a creeper.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2021): Wow, what a loon he is!
If you want to be an extra good person you might send him a note saying that if he wants to stay on good terms with exes in the future he should try not to come off as a creepy ass.
If you're not going to use the toy ever again then I agree with the person who suggested smashing it and sending him pics.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (19 March 2021):
 No way would I send the vibrator back. Personally I'd go with the story that you threw it out. What you did with it is none of his business and I find it very disturbing and creepy that he wants it back. I sincerely doubt that he has innocent reasons for wanting it back. Then I'd block him. He's creepy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 March 2021):
 I can completely understand why you don't want to send this particular toy back and totally agree with you that his request is creepy in the extreme.
In your shoes I would handle this one of two ways: either smash up the toy and send him a picture of it in pieces, or buy a new one and send him that. Then I would block him before he gets any more creepy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2021): Yeah I also think it’s a weird request . Tell him it broke and you threw it out
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (18 March 2021):
 This is a very weird request, not sure what his motives are. Can't be of a financial nature of he would have wanted other items back.
As you say this is a personal item, and he is being really creepy.
I would not send it back to him, neither would i offer an explanation as to why you are not doing so.
I would delete/block him and forget about this and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2021):
 Just tell him you threw it out.
Yeah, that is a weird and odd request to send it back.
And I think you need to stop fooling yourself into thinking this guy is your "friend". He is not. Does he want to control who you use sex toys with? I mean wtf?
Cut lose from this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2021): OH MY OP! Quite the story! Well, I have heard of a guy asking for his engagement ring back after a break up, but a VIBRATOR!!!???Hmmm. Well, let's see here. It looks like he is too cheap to buy another one to use on his next sexual conquest. Asking for space and not talking for awhile (translates into permanently) means the relationship is done. Nobody needs time to process or space in such a SHORT TERM relationship. This all started and ended pretty quick. It was just a fling. I would not waste any more time on this loser. I know you don't want to hear this but your instincts were bang on. He was only into you for the sex and fun. He probably was not emotionally attached to you and more and more sex does not make a man love you. So, you were WISE to let him go now.But he still wants fun. And I think wants to use the vibrator on someone else! I would not return it. He has no rights to it.
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