A
male
age
41-50,
*eenditched
writes:Ok to cut a long story short 6 months ago my gf left me for another guy(someone that i know) it crushed me completly, anyway after 6 months of no contact she calls and we talk and then we arranged to meet. When we met it was really emotional and we got alot out in the open and there were some revalations that i didnt know and she didn't know either, like how he had lied to her saying that i was seeing someone else and also when i confronted him the night that it all came out he had told me that they had been gettin it on together which was why i never tried to contact her again, however she says that this was simply not true and they only met as friends and nothing happened until i was out of the picture, so it looks like he lied and manipulated to get his way, she has told me that she has missed me from the very beginning and hasn't stopped thinking about me and that she sees him as more of a friend, all they do is argue and he is constantly checking up on her, anyway after we got all the nasty stuff out of the way we then just had a really nice time together went and got something to eat and then parted, she said that it was great to see me and that she wishes that she hadn't done what she has done and she has wanted to end it with the guy for ages but he always gives her the guilt trip and she just feels trapped and then he books holidays ect... to make her even more trapped. Anyway i love her still and it was great to see her and she said she regrets it completly and says that there is alot standing in our way but if we are meant to be we will be, her realtionship with him is doomed but i'm keeping out of it, i've told her that if she wants to contact me she can contact me and she wont get any pressure from me, so basically i would love to hear from her but we'll talk when she makes the first move, its doing my head in as after how nice it was to see and be with her again i'm back to reality that she is with this idiot still, its also doing my head in that i haven't heard from her for a day and i just long for her completely. My questions are 1. She left me for another guy and has contacted me after 6 months no contact which i thought was brave, however after the hurt she caused me i think that she should chase me if she wants back, i've made it clear that i love her, am i doing the right thing?? as far as i'm concerned the ball is in her court completly.2. Contacting her would just put pressure on the situation and probably push her away again?? It sounds like the guy shes left me for is majorly possesive and stalks her so the last thing she will find appealing is me being like that. 3. If we are meant to be we will be ?? we both said that we believe in fate and i thought that it was a miricle that we were even sitting with each other after 6 months no contact4. After she had told me that she thinks of me all the time and realises what a mistake she has made and we did alot of hugging ect... Is it just a matter of time till she comes back, am i in control of this one ??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): That is definitely a tricky situation. I think firstly you should just act cool. If she sees that it is doing your head in then it would be more of an effort to get back with you, but if you seem calm, she'll come back to you more easily. I also think that as a man - and I dont mean that in an egotistic way - that you should hold onto your pride and walk tall. Be strong and feel good about yourself - there really are plenty fish in the see. So as for question 1, I think telling her you love her was good, but I wouldnt do more than that, as you say let her make the next move, and dont do any thing more. 2nd question, I wouldnt contact her, dont make it easy - remember she hurt you, but dont ignore her though, a simple hello how are you - I think is enough. 3rd question, yeah thats great, just dont hold onto hope to much, the more you do the more it can hurt you when it fails. 4th Question. Woman are complicated, dont think that youre in control, that I think is a mistake. Just take it day by day. Lastly if I were you, Really hold onto your pride - she hurt you pretty bad by the sounds of things, so yes if she wants you back make sure she finishes with the other guy first, and dont be easy, but also dont be impossible to get. I kinda think that the more you fight for someone the more difficulty you'll have in letting them go. One more piece of advice: try to see other girls, sounds like youre a good bloke, and theres many girls out there looking for guys like you. Hope that helps. laters.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Hi
I dont think her chasing you or the other way round would make any difference. Im not all that into games. Its not a good start.
I just wouldnt be going back with someone that had disappeared without much by or leave supposedly with someone else (which is believeable if she cut off contact that quick) then came back when it went t**s up.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (5 September 2007):
 I may come out sounding a little harsh here, but I'm going to bottom line it for you. She chose you as second best to another guy. That's all you'll ever be, no matter how bad she makes him sound. She might also be playing a game also, making him look like the bad guy, and allowing you to play "hero", which lets her get away with cheating on either one of you. Don't bother with her.DV1
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A
male
reader, beenditched +, writes (5 September 2007):
beenditched is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, she said that she was feeling rejected by me and that she was seriously just friends with him before we had split, i really dont know what to believe, i never got over her and the last 6 months have been hell for me, i was so happy to see her but couldnt forget the horrible things that she had done to me, i'm so confused its untrue, i'm in a hopeless situation and theres is nothing that i can do, i think that you are right he really does have all the power here, which is why i dont want to chase her, if she meant all the things that she said to me there is no way that she can stay with him and she should be the one trying to get me back, do you think that i'm right here. ?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (5 September 2007):
Hi
1] No i wouldnt chase her, you're right there.
2] I agree he might be a bit manic, so best not to.
3] Definatey what will be will be.
4] You are not in control no. She is.
Do you totally believe that she wasnt seeing him before she left you? As in is it her being manipulative and not really him? And do you wonder if because its gone wrong with the current squeeze shes just coming back with her tail between her legs because shes the sort of person that doesnt want to be on her own? Wants saving?
Just wondering.
C xxxxx
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