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My ex keeps trying to be my friend but she broke my heart...what do I do??

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *ndy00 writes:

What am I suppose to do?

My ex just can't seem to leave me alone! She broke up with me almost 6 months ago after she decided our long distance (240 miles) relationship was too much to bear with. We were together for 2 years. Over the past 6 months, I have had to endure one of the worst times of my life. I'll admit I haven't made it easy for myself, but neither has she.

First she split up with me just a couple of months after I took her on holiday to Cuba, and just couple of days before she was flying off on holiday with all her friends, allowing her 2 weeks where she didn't have to think about me. Then we tried to be friends by talking now and again, but I found it too hard, struggling to cope with being demoted in such a way. Then her birthday came by, I sent her a card and recieved no recognition for it. No thank you's or anything. A couple of months later we started talking again. She broke her foot, and I sent her a text the day after to ask if she slept alright. She responded. A few days later it was my birthday. I got nothing from her. Not even a text. She only asked me over MSN 3 days later, and that pissed me off. That I believe was one of the last times we spoke. From there I tried to avoid MSN at all costs.

For the past 6 months, while all of the above was going on, I thought about her and the situation. Irrationally most of the time, but ALWAYS thinking.

So, it's been maybe a couple of months, and now suddenly she's crept up again, asking to be my friend over Facebook. She did this once before back at a time when we tried to be friends, and I couldn't do it, so why now is she trying again? She broke my heart, I've given her no signs for about 2 months now that I have any interest in speaking to her, and yet she is still trying.

Why is she trying?? She obviously wants us to stay friends, but I just don't know why. If I can't be her boyfriend, how does she expect me to jsut accept being her friend? Right now I don't want the girl who broke my heart, I want the girl who I loved more than life itself.

I'm thinking of ignoring her request, but I just wish I knew what she's thinking. I don't think she is thinking about the future and the possibility we'll be together again, because I have ruled this out. If I consider a future with her as a possibility it makes it harder to move on from her. All the same, I wonder if it is something she has ruled out. (Surely she has?)

I'm a little confused, so could somebody please help me put this into prespective, and also tell me what I should do? Should I message her? If I do, what should I say/ask?

View related questions: broke up, facebook, long distance, move on, msn, on holiday, split up, text

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (8 December 2007):

Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Andy00 agony auntWhile I appreciate the advice I have recieved already, I feel I must update you. This may or may mot be coincidental, but sadly today, my ex's father passed away.

I think I am going to almost copy this question and give that update, because that really has changed things somewhat.

Thanks again for your help.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007):

Hello there,

This advise might not be of any help to you because I know how love works, you might be praying deep down within you that she shows some sign of seriousness beyond your doubt then open your hands wide to welcome her back.

But if you sound just as geninue as you should, then I think you should not accept any form of friendship or take her back for any reason. She now realize what it takes to have you around she wants you back...definitely starting off with ''lets be friends'' which you and i know can't end there. It denote her level of selfishness because she doesn't care about how you feel.

If you stand your ground now by not taking her back, you have earned your respect back and she will adore you for as long as you live.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (8 December 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntHey there,

It sounds like maybe she just discovered you on Facebook and wanted to add you. If she starts MESSAGING you, then I'd ignore her and just delete those messages. If you want her out of your life, ignore them. I wouldn't message her by any means. If you don't even want to get involved with her games, don't let yourself be in that position!

Good luck, sweetness.

xxIndia

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