A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend bought me flowers to bring to work, but I was off today. We only work in the same place once a week, and this week I didn't work there at all. He called me several times not using his cell phone so I didn't track the numbers and one time left a really sweet message. I was literally kissing the phone when I heard it. What should I do? I don't want the flowers to go to waste, but if I take them (again) I send the wrong message. I really feel like I am making the right decision with this break up (we had a lot of problems, which were not solved over a long period of time, I don't want to go into it). I am crazy about him, but dragging this out even longer seems like it will just further annoy people who are close to me and all really think its a bad idea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,
Thank you so much for your answers. Your ways of putting things helped me to see this situation in perspective. The problem is I cannot tell this guy not to bring me flowers. I just spoke to him for the first time after a month and a half and couldn't explain why I didn't want flowers. Which lead me to the conclusion that I am not quiet ready to pull the trigger on this relationship. I got it at gunpoint though and maybe that's where it belongs.
Rcn, I thought a lot about your suggestion of working things out in this simple way and I guess I am still thinking about it. I guess the problem is I have been so disappointed in this so many times, I don't think its rational for me to go that same route again. I guess I am just waiting to see what he is going to do, doing some more observing when I make a final decision to go one way or the other.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 November 2007):
 I would be firm with him and his sending gifts. Let him know, it's inappropriate to do so.
There is another issue here as well. You mentioned these issues happened over a long period of time? You also mentioned you are crazy about him. Did you think about counseling to learn techniques on how to have a relationship?
It's not a tough science. I've worked with many couples. One was a real good friend of mine. They didn't have time for each other, didn't have a night without a child for over a year. Her idea of sex was lay there and give him his two minutes because she had better things to do. At first she wanted me to get her out of there so she could file for divorce.
What saved them was scheduling two hours extra per week, just for them. Setting up a sitter, and just enjoying each other. She said this advice completely turned their relationship around and they are now more in love than they ever have been. Makes me wonder the success of how many relationships may be a two hour difference. One small tool saved a marriage.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Hello.
there are very few options to this problem, you could either refuse to accept the flowers and who ever delivers then tell them to take them back, or you will have to ring him and tell him not to send them because you wont accept them,or if you have a door or security person at your place of work, inform him not to accept any flowers, and to return them to sender.
Hope this will help you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): You are going to have to be firm with this guy and tell him that it is over. Tell him to stop sending the flowers as you just put them in the bin and that is a waste of money. He just cannot let go and this isnt making the situation come to an end. Be firm with him and let him know that things havent changed and that you want to move on.
take care
xx
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