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female
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anonymous
writes: Alex and I dated for 4.5 years, but in February 2004 I broke up with him over a petty fight. He spent the next year begging to get back together with me. When he found out that I would be going to school in Florida starting in Fall 2005, he moved there hoping we would get back together when I arrived. During his time in Florida, he moved on, and dated two other girls. He broke up with them shortly before I arrived in August, and since I've been here, he has spent every weekend with me. He tells me that he loves me and he cherishes our time together, but that he isn't ready to get back together. He says he is still afraid that I will hurt him again. I have already been waiting over a month, and he says that he does not know how long I will have to wait before he is ready. I am desperately in love with him, but I need to know if I should continue to wait or try to forget about him while I still can!Thanks for your advice!
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female
reader, MissMo +, writes (27 September 2005):
It's understandable that he has a lot of fear about getting back together with you, and it's really good that he's expressing it to you. Unfortunately, now it seems like he's having problems committing to a relationship with you. Something needs to push him to want to commit, and spending every weekend with him isn't doing it. While he has you around and enjoys your company, nothing is really forcing him to deal with his past hurt and commitment issues. Stay away from him for two weeks to a month, explaining that although you want to be with him, he needs to take time to think about whether he's willing to deal with and work on his issues. Hopefully, during this time apart he'll realize that he values you a lot and that he shouldn't let his fears get in the way of committing to you. Maybe then you can have an honest conversation about his hurt, trust, and how both of you are going to really try to work the relationship out. It's not fair for him to keep you waiting around like that. Guys will commit and deal with their issues when they really care about a person.
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