| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been thinking about breaking up with my partner now for a few years but can't find the courage to do it. I had several affairs a few years ago and met this lovely man who I have kept in contact with. My partner forgave me for the affairs and we have been trying to patch things up. We have been together for 18 years and have 3 children together.The problem is that I'm not in love with my partner anymore. I can't give him all the love he deserves but find it hard to say I want to break up because of the consequences to the family. I love the other man and would love to start a new life with him but feel for everyone else.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (27 September 2005):
 What about the effect this farce of a marriage is having on your children? I say farce because from your point of view, that is what it is but perhaps not so from your husband's standpoint.
You say you can't give him all the love he deserves so instead you give him lies and deceit.
You love another man. How does this other man feel about the fact that you are married? Has he urged you to leave your husband? If he is prepared to have an affair with a married woman, how do you know you can trust him in the future and how does he know he can trust you?
If you really feel for everyone else as you say you do that you have two choices. You either stay with your husband and cease going behind his back and try to make it work again. Or, you follow your heart because it is telling you that your marriage is over and you leave.
It isn't fair for you to stay with your husband if you are no longer prepared to work at what you have and you keep finding happiness elsewhere. It isn't fair on the children as they must sense all is not well. Children pick up on uncomfortable atmospheres.
For everyone's sake, consider leaving if you honestly feel no love for your husband and that you just can't make it work anymore. This will be better in the long term though it may well cause distress and upset in the short term.
None of this is particularly fair on your husband but he has a right to happiness and he will not receive that anymore with you if you feel this way and you love someone else.
I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2005): You said it yourself...you can't give your partner the love he deserves. As far as the kids go, they are amazingly resilient creatures and will adjust very well as long as the parents act responsibly. You owe everyone a fresh start from your actions. If you do hook up with the "other man" try to be faithful this time.
...............................
A
female
reader, S_J_K_J +, writes (27 September 2005):
I know sometimes it can be hard to do things that are going to hurt someone we care abou tbut think of what you are showing your children.. If you don't want to be with him anymore you should be honest with HIM, YOUR CHILDREN and YOURSELF.....Please e-mail me back and let me know or if you just want to talk ....
...............................
|
