A
female
age
41-50,
*hellexxxxx
writes:I was with a guy for almost 3 years and we were really happy. However 6 months ago things started going downhill and I found that the little things he does annoys me, such as his snoring and the fact that he burns toast.(silly I know) 3 months ago he moved out for a bit and I loved the fact that I had the place to myself. I wanted to be with him but not live with him again yet. He told me he didn't want to continue if we were going to live apart so he ended it. The next night I went out clubbing, which was arranged a couple of months before and I met some guy who was so sweet and he took my number and email. We stayed in contact all week and he's supposed to be coming down at the weekend to see me. However tonight my ex turned up out of the blue and proposed to me. I said no but feel so bad right now and don't know what to do? Was I wrong to turn him down? Should I still go and meet this other guy? I'm really stuck and so head fu**ed at the moment. Please, anyone help me, I'd really appriciate it.
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (31 March 2008):
If in doubt, don't. I sounds like you still have some feelings for your ex which is normal, however it does not sound as if you are in love. If you were truly in love with him you would not have arranged to meet this other person so soon.
I would also be a bit suspicious about your ex turning up out of the blue like that to propose. It sounds to me like he might have heard somehow that you are moving on and does not like the idea.
I can tell you that most guys who wanted to marry a woman would not do what your ex did. We would want her to be in no doubt about how we felt long before any proposal and ourselves would want to have an idea of how she would be likely to take the proposal. Just out of the blue like this sounds a bit manipulative and not at all genuine.
If I had broken up with my girl and then realised I had made a mistake I would want to mend things a bit before proposing.
Just my ideas anyway. I hope it works out okay.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I think you should let the ex move on, with friction earlier, and seeing neither of you could resolve it, it is best you both move on. Tell him your sorry, but feel this is the best that you both go your own way.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 March 2008):
 Hi there,
wow, you have yourself a situation there.
I guess the first thing you need to think about is how are you coping being without your ex? Does it keep you awake at nights or are you revelling in your new found freedom.
If its the later ( which I think it is )I think that you will have to give your ex a pass.
Little things turn into big things and you probably got out of the relationship before things started to get even worse. Your ex is realising what he is missing and is trying to get you back into his house with the only Ace left in his pack - marriage.
It smells a bit of desperation to me, I would tread very carefully. Also the fact that you have arranged another date suggests that you have moved on as well.
Unless you have a massive change of heart and can ignore all the things your ex does that drive you crazy I think its best to let him go.
good luck.
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