A
female
age
41-50,
* want help with ex problems
writes:My children are about to go on hoildays with their father and his new wife. They live on the other side of the country and at his wife's request I am not allowed to have their home address or contact phone number. There is no formal custody orders in place. The children have not seen their father for around 7 months, due to their father being in the army and serving in Iraq. I just find it hard to deal with this, as the children's father has always had our contact information.
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female
reader, Pasha  +, writes (8 April 2008):
Hey I went through the same thing! But they were not on the otherside of the country. My x wouldn't even let our children call me from his girlfriends house. Wouldn't call if he was gonna be late ect. I would refuse to let them go until proper arrangements were made. For the sake of the children. It sounds like a control issue to me. Get help now and protect the children. You won't regret it later.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I understand the concern of many of these posters, but I would get too excited yet. I am little confused on how you managed to get divorced, yet never had a formalized custody agreement. From what you described, you have custody and current possession of the children. Therefore, it is your discretion whether to release the children to your ex-husband. Isn’t it his obligation to contest your decision? With that in mind, I would politely tell your husband, or for that matter, anyone who wants to take your children anywhere, that you won’t be releasing them unless you have the means to stay in touch with them. Right? What obligation do you have to release these children blindly to anyone? I would suggest you remain calm; you seem to be in control of the situation since you’re the mother and currently have custody. However, I would ask your husband whether he thinks it is appropriate or prudent to ask the mother of his children to blindly release them to anyone? If he is unwilling to comply, I simply wouldn’t turn them over and call the police if he persists. Finally, your legal situation with these children is inadequate, particularly if you suspect there is a conniving individual involved. You have control over the situation, don’t release it until you’re confident.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 No address, no contact number, that seems suspicious.
I would not allow the children to go with them.
There is a reasonable doubt that he could kidnap your children
or spirit them away from you.
He can come and pay the children a visit.
Do you trust your ex?
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A
female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (1 April 2008):
The fact that the father even thought that what his new wife requested was OK raises a BIG RED FLAG for me - Unless you have a history of harrassment of him. I would not let those children out of my sight - I agree with the others - In fact, IF he wants to see them make legal arrangements for him to visit in YOUR locale. AND until you are able to meet this NEW seemingly controlling wife I would not let my children have contact with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I agree.
Don't let him near the kids until you get a location, contact details and thorough idea of what they are planning to do (take em to Disney world and such).
They don't have a right to withold the location of your children from you. It may be that they think you might try and take them back too soon. But nontheless. At the very leat you should be able to call your children and have a chat to them if you miss them and they miss you.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (1 April 2008):
 I have to agree with Tisha here. Its one thing not to know her details and everything about her, but not knowing where your children will be for a week and who they willbe with and what they will be doing is not acceptable. You need to do something now, protect the children. He and his wife could have something else going on. You need to get a lawyer and you need to get one quick. That may cause a delay in the holiday for the kids, but if this whole thing is on the up and up, then he can provide you with the details of this holiday or dont let the children out of yoru site! Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Not having the new wife's details is one thing; knowing where your children are is completely another thing.
Tuatara is completely correct here, "They don't leave your sight if you have no way of knowing how to contact them!"
No details, no itinerary, no formal custody arrangement, no children go anywhere. Period.
Get a solicitor, asap... please, to work out these details right away.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (1 April 2008):
 I would not let my children out of my house without all of their current information and phone numbers AND a court ordered custody agreement. You have every right to ask for this information if the children are to travel with them. There are plenty of horror stories about kidnappings and disappearances of children out there. I'd err on the side of caution and be over-protective.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): You have every right to your ex's contact details particularly if he has the children. It is bullshit that you would have no way of contacting them. I would put my foot down. If they are concerned about you harrassing them, which is childish, then perhaps they could give the details to another friend or family member.
Ridiculous not to have contact details. What if their is an accident or problem. You as a responsible parent must make sure you know how to contact your children and their father. Any rational adult or parent would agree!
They don't leave your sight if you have no way of knowing how to contact them!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 April 2008):
 I would be weary about sending my children anywhere with that little information. I'd require proper information before they went anywhere. I'd also file in the court for an emergency custody hearing. I wouldn't even send them unless both rights were documented with the court. If it's anything like here, authorities can't do anything, until a custody order is signed.
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