A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have had it. I am so sick of my ex bf and his stupid ways of geting back at me! I broke up with him 3 months ago and he is still making attempts to get my attention. I broke it off because he was abusive. Anyway, he got his friends to send me nasty messages and since I didn't reply to those, his plan didnt work. He has now gotten his younger brother to bag me out on the internet in a forum on a website that I go to often and have alot of friends on. I saw these posts and just had to say something. His brother and I got into a fight over the internet. I am soo sick of all this. I finaly started feeling like I was doing good...but now all this anger has been brought up to the surface again and I dont know how to deal with it. I just dont understand why he has to be so mean still and why he has to use people to get to me and WHY on earth they would do his dirty work for him? I just want to yell at him and tell him how much I hate him for what he has done...but I think it would jsut go right over his head...how do i deal with these emotions and what is the best way to stop him from trying to get to me? i hate how he tries to publically humiliate me like that, and thats what his brother did. i know I should not of replied but i couldnt help it. how much longer do u think this will continue on for?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Keep a printed record of every harassing email you get. Whenever possible, write back with the simple statement:
I know that X put you up to harassing me. Why would you do this?
Assuming they respond and CONFIRM that they acknowledge they are harassing you for him, print it up (use their real names of course, no nicknames) and now you have EVIDENCE.
After you collect these, you can get a lawyer to issue a cease and desist letter, and even go as far as a restraining order. It may not stop him entirely, but once the law gets involved a number of his friends will not want to further sully their reputations legally. Paper trails are always good protection. Job applications ask questions about legal troubles, and great jobs always do criminal checks. This is your leverage. Also, if anything more serious happens, you will have evidence on file that can be used against him and his friends.
THis is not some heartbroken loser that will just talk. He is an ABUSER, and the only way to deal with an ABUSER is to EXPOSE the abuse, not keep silent about it.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Mmmm - He's still feeling bitter and can't move on. The best advice is to ignore completely. Don't respond in any way. They don't know if it's getting through. He wants you to yell at him. Don't. He wants you to respond. Don't. How do you know it was his brother and not him using his brother's profile? He might be enjoying tricking you. Just don't respond. Then he doesn't know what you think. If you have seen it.
If things continue: Report any abuse to the internet forum operator. Report phone abuse to respective telephone company or do a search on internet for harassment/abuse on internet for your country.
To keep you in positive frame of mind - think what Tom Wilkinson suggests - but don't send it. Write it down if you like. Be proud of yourself as well for breaking up with him. He has proved you right.
Richard
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A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Hi, The best way for you to deal with It would be to completly Ignore It all, I know Its easier said than done but Its better that way it makes you the bigger person and he will soon get sick of It when he relises your not bothered, I must admit tho I would want to whack him 1 too!!
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (22 November 2007):
 The best thing you can do for bullies like this is ignore it as best you can, or even worse (for them) agree with them.
The fuel for them doing this is getting the reaction they want. They want you to shout, scream, cry, argue, be angry etc. If you don't give them the satisfaction, eventually it stops.
I was bullied for a long time during school and it was once I learned this, they eventually gaveup.
Say its online, simlply reply to whatever abuse it is the give with a laughing emoticon, and something like "that was a good one! :)"
In person if they throw abuse (eg, "you f**ing ugly bitch"), smile and reply with something like "yeah I know, no wonder my mam won't have mirrors in the house!".
These really worked for me, there's no satisfaction for the bully if they don't appear to be hurting you, and although there's no certain timescale, I promise you eventually, it will stop.
I hope I helped a little xx
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