A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I recently posted a question regarding my ex threatening to die if I did not patch up with him. When I met up with him the other day to talk things over things got so bad I told him if he meant what he said I was going to report him to the police. But it was so tensed at that time I had to lie to him I'd try things out with him for a month. I felt that if I had called the cops it's have provoked him even more. Long story short, I had already planned a month's worth of activities and am not able to meet him. Even if I'm free, I just find it hard to face him and talk to him as well, not when he has threatened me like that. These days, he has resorted to stalking just to see me. I don't have concrete evidence that I've seen him, but he leaves voice mails in the middle of the night saying he's waiting around my block just to catch a glimpse of me. It's unnerving and disconcerting. What should I do?
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (28 July 2012):
OP, you don't tell us anything about him or how you got to where you are. But have you tried the rational approach? Talk in the cold light of day over coffee. Tell him it was once fun, sorry it is now over, you both have to lead your own lives, you fon't want him to harm himself, but he is scaring you and your asking him to stop.If he doesn't stop he is breaking the law and you will report him. I am not the right person for you, please get a grip on your life and move on to something better.If you can't face talking write it in a letter. To be honest I don't think the police will do much without evidence of a threat against you, trespass, criminal intent, etc. But definitely report the harrassment. Do what you can, change you phone number, tell people what he is doing, what about his family? Change your routines. If possible go out of sight for a few weeks in the hope he just gets over it and finally gives up. It is irrational to want to die to show someone you love them and can't live without them, but it happens, many of us have experienced something like that especially in the middle of this night when the bottle is empty, but it usually turns into feeling totally stupid with yourself after a couple of days when you realise it wasn't worth it. Try not to let it feel like a horror movie, if you do then in a way you are letting him succeed. He is just one sad guy who can't get a grip on his feelings.
A
female
reader, palmcoastie  +, writes (28 July 2012):
I was stalked by my 1st husband and it was most horrific feeling in the world. Basically, you do not have to have concrete proof that he is stalking you in the large sense. You need to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life submitting to this unstable man, or take the steps to protect yourself and get away from him forever. You owe him nothing, especially your safety and peace of mind. Check into the injunctions for protection process in your state. Its not body armor, but it may make them think that you are not playing. Also do not patronize them. My ex attempted suicide because I would not return to him, in fact I decided that I would not allow him to manipulate me in this awful fashion.I sat down with a judge and told the judge what I wanted done and why,and I did not back down. I was around your age when this all took place. Get your safety plan all put together, stick with it, and do not back down no matter what he threatens to do. Keep a log and have friends to contact as additional communication backup. And whatever you do, do not get conned by his antics. Meeting up with him does nothing but feed into his unstable psyche. Tell yourself you deserve better than this. And no guilt!!! Take care and good luck
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (27 July 2012):
 You do not go back with someone threatening to kill himself. He is controlling you and this is very serious. Do not answer texts, do not answer phone calls, do not email. If he comes to your house, you don't answer the door. It he tries beating down your door, you call the police. You let friends, family, and neighbors know what he is threatening, that you have broken up with him, and what he has been doing to you. Don't have contact with him as it will just inflame him. Protect yourself as much as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): Have you kept these messeges? If not I suggest that if and when he sends anymore you keep them, and keep a notebook wher you can write dates and times and what he has done. Then go to the police with the messeges and your notebook, and get a protective order against him. The messeges are proof that he is not only harrassing you, but that he is threatening you and making you scared. Protect yourself, he is trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. Be strong. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (27 July 2012):
 Call the police. Stop ending mixed messages, finish the relationhip once and for all and if the stalking or threats of suicide continue then just do it. I know it's a hard thing to do but your safety is paramount.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 July 2012):
 Hi
Take your phone to the Police, let them listen to the voicemails,tell them the whole scenario,take an older adult with you,let them know its serious. He is intimidating you.
Do not meet him to 'talk' again, its over for you, you need to take serious action now or you will never be free.You are not responsible for his actions,he is.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (27 July 2012):
 Call the police. Immediately. This behavior is not at all okay. You know you need to turn him in and I'll be the first to say that gut feeling is right. He is not stable and needs professional help.
Get out. Now.
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