A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a bit of a problem. I have a boyfriend and have been with him for seven months now and hes amazing. I would never in a million years cheat on him but my sister has been engaged to this man, we'll refer to him as Dan for five months and they dated for a year before that. For the past month or so hes been making moves on me when our other halfs are gone to work or for some other reason. We don't live together but they live a few blocks away.He comes over and tries to rub my leg,up my arm,tries to kiss me,tries to kiss my neck and pulls on my clothes. Ive told him to stop but he usually just says that he doesnt love my sister and that he knows i dont love my boyfriend. He says he loves me and that he knows we should be together all because of one night that we slept together before we got together with our partners. We do have a two year old daughter together and he often uses her as an excuse to come over and see me. I understand that some times he does come to see her but a lot of times its just to try to get me to sleep with him. He really is an amazing father to her and she adores him so i cant just tell him to get lost and dont come over anymore. My daughter loves him to much for me to do that to her. Im at a crossroad and have no clue what to do. Any help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): That is the craziest thing I ever heard. Your sister is engaged to the father or your child?????? I wouldn't do a thing, she obviously won't care what you have to say about him trying to do this.....she will be making her own mistakes and for gosh sakes, why would she choose her sister's child's father to marry? Talk about lack of boundaries....and obviously he suffers from lack of appropriate boundaries too.
So what you need to do is set some boundaries with him. Tell him under no uncertain terms that if he doesn't stop hitting on you and touching you in an inappropriate way that you are going to tell your sister what he is up to.
You don't have to ask him to leave your daughter's life, but you can set it up so his visitations with her are out of your home, and the only conversations and contact you have with him are about your daughter and also about arranging visits.....do not allow him to see her in your home, it isn't necessary and it is a whole lot more fun for your daughter to see him somewhere else and to bond with him.
A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (3 February 2009):
 thats a very tough question. well guess you should tell him something kinda harsh like, "I would never sleep with you again in a million years, those days are over and im not looking back." and then decide for yourself if you want to tell your sister what hes been up to. i hope i helped.
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A
female
reader, loopylu33  +, writes (3 February 2009):
Ouch... This sounds like a very catch22 situation.... You can't remove ''Dan'' from your life 1. because he is the father to your child and 2.Because he is with your sister... Sounds to me asthough your happy with your current boyfriend and Dan wants what he can't have... because you have a child together he will always have very strong feelings for you because of what you have created together but i think in order to protect not only your current relationship from going wrong or your relationship with your sister you must tell him the score and to back off.. even if it means avoiding being alone with him. Explain that you think he is a great father and you want things to remain friendly for your daughters sake but thats as far as it goes.... good luck... xx
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