A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy for short period but lost all contact until recently. he contacted me and tells me he's married (not his decision), but can't forget me. he wants to connect again. we were very good together and i know i'll be just as bad as he is if i give in, but then again why be good when it really doesn't pay off? any comments or suggestions will be appreciated.riskislife
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2012):
 he's married (not his decision) What? Did she put a shotgun to his head and say marry me or else? THAT is a load of lies.
You really think that a guy who is married and cheating is "worth" getting together with? What would hold him back from cheating on you as well at some point down the line?
Why bother with this guy? It didn't work between you two in the past and now that he is married you think it might? Really?
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 He's married but (not his decision)? What a load of crap. Did he tell you that or did you just come up with that on your own? Did someone hold a gun to his head? Please! If he's married he went there by choice because "No" is always in a man's vocabulary and even if she was the one who asked him to marry, he could have still said "No". But he didn't. You are deluding yourself to think there's anything to pursue. This guy sounds flighty and immature. Tell me what the real reason you broke up in the first place, and it better not be because he cheated on you. Is this the kind of guy you really want to hitch your star to honey? Be honest. Don't you think when the new wears off your your relationship with him he will just find another girl behind YOUR back and cheat on you? Think about it. There's no honor in being bad with a married You lose your self respect and his.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): It takes two people to decide to marry. If he is lying to you already, you should avoid him. Don't waste your youth on a man that will never be available to you in the way you would make yourself available to him.
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A
female
reader, aavon82  +, writes (5 June 2012):
It sounds as if he contacts you as and when HE wants to. He lost contact with you, presumably whilst he was single but then gets in touch with you again later to let you he is now(possibly unhappily) married, but still thinks of you. I know that it's flattering and maybe also confusing to know that he still has feelings for you, but he can't have his cake and eat it, he needs to let you or his wife go.
Also, it might seem like a good idea to reignite the relationship you once had and go back to how things were, but the dynamic has changed and it would never be the same. As the other aunts have said, I think you need to think twice about this.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 He's married. That alone should be enough of a deterrent for you, but it's not. I understand that you have feelings for him, and that he's saying he has feelings for you, but I think what you're contemplating doing is wrong. It may be fun at first to sneak around, but it will grow old, and eventually you would probably be miserable. Like eyeswideopen said, you really should think about this more. A lot more.
Besides, who said being good doesn't pay off? I think it does!
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (4 June 2012):
 What does he mean that him getting marries wasn't HIS decision? That's a crock, if I ever heard one. Unless he is from a country where marriages are arranged, he had a choice. Sounds like he's playing the old "poor poor pitiful me, I have an unhappy marriage and I need you to rescue me" game. He's looking for a bit on the side, you're smarter then that, don't fall for it. Leave him be and find someone else.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 June 2012):
 And just what exactly will be the pay off for being bad? Sneaking around? Holidays alone? Heartbreak? Dead end future? I suggest you think this one out just a tad further.
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