A
female
age
51-59,
*usieQ1970
writes:My ex scares me. He seems to think he can do and say whatever he feels and that it is perfectly OK to change his mind at the drop of a hat.Last year he dumped his new girlfriend for a renewed chance with me and our son. Promised me the earth but when I found out how he had been stringing his ex along and how badly he was treating her I let her know. Result? He dumped me and our son to patch things up with her!I learnt through that experience how violent and manipulative she is, she assaulted me and him and uses his other kids in their fights to get at him. Personally I don't want her to have anything to do with our son but what can I do?Along the way he has told so many lies and blamed me for their break up that I have not been able to shop locally for some time in case I run into his family. Similarly I have asked him not to bring anyone with him when he picks up our son but he hasn't done this and his Mum and his violent girlfriend now know where I live and I fear they may turn up on my doorstep.He continues to make my life a misery, very subtly but I'm now at my wits end and my solicitor tells me my only option is for the courts to intervene but I can't afford this.I'm scared that he won't bring our son home one day, I don't think it would be permanent as he doesn't really want the responsibility, just long enough to cause me more grief. His girlfriend has no kids of her own and has even threatened to have our son taken away from me so she can have a family of her own! I'm even considering moving but my eldest child is settled where we are.I don't sleep well and now I'm snappy all the time and my children deserve a better life than this. I really have nothing on him as he is careful not to leave anything I can use against him, its all hearsay.I don't know what to do anymore.......
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Hey there,
Wow, for a twelve year old "xxbaybeegal" is very insightful! I am impressed. i completely agree with her advice. You should definitely figure out how to get this man out of your life... even if your eldest son is settled, if you are afraid for your family you need to attend to that FIRST. Your son will make new friends, and will ultimately have a happier life in a new place without the threat of your ex.
Also realize that the fear of your ex-boyfriend is affecting YOU as well. Don't put yourself through this - your fear will start to consume you and your children deserve to have ALL of their Mother around.
As a Mother, you know that you have to do whatever is necessary to protect your children. If your instincts tell you that you aren't safe, you need to figure out how to make your kids safe. Maybe you ought to seek financial help from family or friends like "xxbaybeegal" suggests to get a lawyer and full custody of your children.
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
A
female
reader, xxbaybeegal +, writes (9 January 2008):
 ok i might be really young to answer this (12) but i think he is a human threat to the u and if u dont do anything about it, no-one else is so u need action to be taken ahead. also you have to be strong- you AND your son because if you keep thinking he will steal you child when your son is there is a chance he could. remeber you have to stand up for your self, after all your a human being just like him what gives him the right to destroy your life. if you cant afford to get a solicitor maybe you should get friends and family help to sort something because thats what they are there for, but if you dont tell anyone, nobody will no your problem and can only get worse. my advice is to stay out of contact with him because he's not helping you but giving you grief. but if you cut out him and your son he could something you would never forget. so get help.
gd luck and hope you get the best help 4 u and your son
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